But I can't because I don't really know how to describe the problem. I'm going to school right now, taking business, but I'm planning on going strait into a writing course this January and dropping the business, because it turns out I hate it.

Anyway, I think there's a pretty good chance I'll fail all but one of my courses right now. lol the one course I will pass is, of course, Business Communications, a writing course.

The thing is, I'm not failing because I don't have the cognitive ability, I'm just too burnt out and not handling any of my life very well right now. I'm just not doing the work and falling behind, for the simple reason that I can't emotionally handle it. I can't handle anything anymore, I just want to go live on a secluded island and not worry about anything ever again. Constant anxiety, depression, no patience for anything anymore; most of the time I won't talk to any of my family because I just can't deal with them. The same worries keep going through my head 24/7, sometimes even waking me up in the middle of the night.

The only time I ever feel "good" (in an artificial way) is when I take huge amounts of painkillers till all I can feel is numbness and pleasure. Even then I'm miserable, but it's smothered in the numb pleasurable feeling. I know everyone would say that's the wrong thing to do, and albeit I've never done it before, but if I didn't get the break from reality I'm afraid I'd get suicidal.
Unfortunately weed only makes me feel worse, and in fact was giving me panic attacks every time I smoked it, so I quit 3 weeks ago and don't plan to use it again. It just amplifies everything that feels bad.

I guess the main thing is the aloneness getting to me. I have no friends, I have no experience with relationships, sex, not even been kissed; and I'm 22. I lost my best friend because I fell for her, then when she went out with another guy I lost it and told her off, ruining the friendship. She won't talk to me again.
Every day it sinks in more and more that I'll be alone forever, that nobody will ever love me; I'm not even sure I can make friends with my poor social skills. My old friends have all drifted away. Please, no talk of how it'll turn around eventually. I've been waiting for that train for too long and it never comes, no matter how many times I hope and try.


So back to the main topic, my sister insists I talk to a councilor to help me with my academic problems. I just don't see what a councilor could do though. Is he/she going to magically give me social skills? Will a councilor hook me up with a girlfriend? Make me friends? Make me stop having panic attacks when I'm in large groups of people? These are the reasons I can't succeed any more, what could a councilor possibly do? I already feel really insecure about sharing how I feel with other people, and I'm nervous as hell that he'll just say "well, you just need to change your attitude. There's nothing I can do." and I'll look like an idiot. Because really, what can they do?
Gandalf_The_Grey Reviewed by Gandalf_The_Grey on . My sister keeps telling me to see a councilor... But I can't because I don't really know how to describe the problem. I'm going to school right now, taking business, but I'm planning on going strait into a writing course this January and dropping the business, because it turns out I hate it. Anyway, I think there's a pretty good chance I'll fail all but one of my courses right now. lol the one course I will pass is, of course, Business Communications, a writing course. The thing is, I'm not failing because I don't have the cognitive Rating: 5