I feel like the worst person in the world right now

[Gandalf_The_Grey]

I can't believe I can't stop crying right now. I never would have let myself cry, if worst came to worst I'd just have a nervous breakdown and hyperventilate or get really depressed and withdraw or something. I never cry, and now I can't stop, all last night till i was exhausted and fell asleep, and now all morning.

I had the best friend in the world, the best friend I ever could have asked for. But then because I'm a fucking idiot I had to fall for her, hugely fall for her, and got these stupid ideas all summer about being with her when she moved down. Then the first day she moved down she tells me she's gonna hook up with this fucking asshole. Days and day I tried to pretend it was ok, it was like being punched in the stomach every time I saw them together...

Then I finally fell into this massive depression and just snapped. I wrote her this letter and said she was just using me, I said she was flaunting it in front of me just to hurt me just to be vicious and cruel, I said she'd be with nothing but shallow assholes forever because I was the only one that cared about her. I said all these stupid, delusional things and none of them were true, she did nothing to deserve any of it.

I tried to apologize when I came to my senses later, I tried to explain, I tried everything because I ruined the best friendship I ever had in my life. God damnit I threw it all away because of one day that I lost my head, and now she won't forgive me. I mean I know thats her right and I know I deserve it, but I don't believe those things I wrote and I'd never do that again, and I just want the best friend I ever had back. But she hates me now and the most fucked up thing is I know she should hate me yet at the same time I don't want her to. I'd never in a million years hurt her but somehow that's exactly what I did. It doesn't make any fucking sense to me anymore.

haha I cna't even stone myself into oblivion because I have to do a presentation today that's worth huge marks. I don't know how I'm going to do this presentation I can't hold myself together no matter how hard I try. Maybe I should just do it really really stoned anyway.

Gandalf_The_Grey Reviewed by Gandalf_The_Grey on 10-24-2007. I feel like the worst person in the world right now I can't believe I can't stop crying right now. I never would have let myself cry, if worst came to worst I'd just have a nervous breakdown and hyperventilate or get really depressed and withdraw or something. I never cry, and now I can't stop, all last night till i was exhausted and fell asleep, and now all morning. I had the best friend in the world, the best friend I ever could have asked for. But then because I'm a fucking idiot I had to fall for her, hugely fall for her, and got these Rating: 5

[yoda]

give her her space. i dont wanna say there's more fish in the sea, but this isn't going to be the only girl you've felt like you've loved. you'll move on. it just takes time.

[420MissHighTimes420]

first, if she is as good of a friend as you say she is then she would get over it and like plantboxer said and laugh about it. so like yoda said,give her some space and then in a week or so call her up and tell her you've gone nuts, like we all do at times, and that your sorry and you know you fucked up but you want her to forget about it. If she doesn't agree it's her loss, and you shouldnt beat yourself up over it because we all do things like that! and I think everyone deserves a second chance. she should understand.

[beachguy in thongs]

Do the presentation really, really stoned. :420thought:

[Platinum Plus]

Ahhh i hate when that shit happens eyy? nothing worse than that well not much anyways
but the answer is as above mentioned give her her space and let her do what she's doing
or confront her about it but not in a way that she'll be offended or anything like that
just lay it down nicely and you should succeed i can guarantee rihgt away but the point is that you will.

[FakeBoobsRule]

I think you're being entirely too hard on yourself. Give it some time like everyone said. Is she still with this guy? If so when they start to have problems she will probably call you.

[Gandalf_The_Grey]

Ok this is my fault for not clarifying. But on the bright side I took a rediculous amount of painkillers and I'm alright again... and numb and stoned all to hell. I wrote that letter about 3 weeks ago, I apologized 4 days after, and only yesterday she wrote me back saying I ruined our friendship. So she had 3 weeks and no, time didn't heal all wounds.

I know you all say she'd forgive me "if she's a real friend" but I was a hardcore bastard, completely outside of my normal personality. I mean I can't even talk to most people, yet the first day I met her we talked so easily. She was always nice to me and I was always as nice as I could be to her and in 3 years we never had a fight. She always understood me, always accomodated my social ineptitude without judgement, I loved every moment with her. I just can't understand how we've had so many experiences together and talked about so many intimate things, and she won't even forgive me just this once. This is the only time I've done anything to her.

I don't have any delusions about anything happening between us, I honestly just want my friend back. I've never had a friend as good as her and I don't even have any friends in town as it is. I still can't believe I threw it away.

(PS. the presentation got delayed till next Monday)

[friendowl]

excuse my language but "fuck that girl"
who cares.true friends would never ever make you feel like you feel
you are giving her too much credit
you are gandalf the grey man......its hard but you gotta smile and belive in yourself
girls like her are a dime a dozen..let the asshole teach her some lessons
just be cool ,get drunk and pretend she died

[Unknown American]

friendowl has it right.

Did you mean what you said in the original letter? I think you did. Were you lying in the first letter? I think you told her straight up what you felt.

You even backed down and tried to apologise for how you really feel.

Personally I would consider her dead. I am no ones doormat.

She is just a girl.

[Gandalf_The_Grey]

friendowl has it right.

Did you mean what you said in the original letter? I think you did. Were you lying in the first letter? I think you told her straight up what you felt.

You even backed down and tried to apologise for how you really feel.

Personally I would consider her dead. I am no ones doormat.

She is just a girl.

I meant it when I said it because I was horribly depressed, and delusional. None of that shit's true, she didn't maliciously go out to hurt me for no reason, we had a really really close friendship, we pretty much loved each other on a platonic basis.

"She's just a girl" doesn't make any more sense than "He's just a guy". Everybody is a guy or a girl, the personhere is somebody incredibly important to me. The simple fact of the matter is that I saw them together again and again, it kept me up for many nights, and I had hours upon hours, days upon days to twist my thoughts into something that justified how I felt. As soon as I came to my senses, stopped being in a constant state of anxiety, I realized how crazy those thoughts were.

Maybe I shouldn't have made this thread, nobody understands or has advice other than ditching her. It's not any of your fault, you all have my thanks for offering advice, I guess you just can't know not seeing the situation first hand.