I can't believe I can't stop crying right now. I never would have let myself cry, if worst came to worst I'd just have a nervous breakdown and hyperventilate or get really depressed and withdraw or something. I never cry, and now I can't stop, all last night till i was exhausted and fell asleep, and now all morning.

I had the best friend in the world, the best friend I ever could have asked for. But then because I'm a fucking idiot I had to fall for her, hugely fall for her, and got these stupid ideas all summer about being with her when she moved down. Then the first day she moved down she tells me she's gonna hook up with this fucking asshole. Days and day I tried to pretend it was ok, it was like being punched in the stomach every time I saw them together...

Then I finally fell into this massive depression and just snapped. I wrote her this letter and said she was just using me, I said she was flaunting it in front of me just to hurt me just to be vicious and cruel, I said she'd be with nothing but shallow assholes forever because I was the only one that cared about her. I said all these stupid, delusional things and none of them were true, she did nothing to deserve any of it.

I tried to apologize when I came to my senses later, I tried to explain, I tried everything because I ruined the best friendship I ever had in my life. God damnit I threw it all away because of one day that I lost my head, and now she won't forgive me. I mean I know thats her right and I know I deserve it, but I don't believe those things I wrote and I'd never do that again, and I just want the best friend I ever had back. But she hates me now and the most fucked up thing is I know she should hate me yet at the same time I don't want her to. I'd never in a million years hurt her but somehow that's exactly what I did. It doesn't make any fucking sense to me anymore.

haha I cna't even stone myself into oblivion because I have to do a presentation today that's worth huge marks. I don't know how I'm going to do this presentation I can't hold myself together no matter how hard I try. Maybe I should just do it really really stoned anyway.
Gandalf_The_Grey Reviewed by Gandalf_The_Grey on . I feel like the worst person in the world right now I can't believe I can't stop crying right now. I never would have let myself cry, if worst came to worst I'd just have a nervous breakdown and hyperventilate or get really depressed and withdraw or something. I never cry, and now I can't stop, all last night till i was exhausted and fell asleep, and now all morning. I had the best friend in the world, the best friend I ever could have asked for. But then because I'm a fucking idiot I had to fall for her, hugely fall for her, and got these Rating: 5