Hi friend. It feels as though I've written that out. Don't feel bad man. Just go with the flow. I too feel JUST like you, cross my heart an hope to die. People that say toking is alright and its' good, yes it is, but it's not harmless. It DOES have side effects, some major ones too, but you have to ask yourself, if it's worth it or not?

I too find it hard switching from sober/high/high/sober....but it's all part of the process. I feel bad alot when I smoke but you shouldn't really. It's just because it's illegal. I have to remind myself that it's only bad because it's illegal? I wouldn't say it's changed me, it's made me a better more understanding and open minded person. The people i've met through toking, the rules of life, the lies? you know? Loads of good things have come out of it. I enjoy the IDEA of smoking more than smoking itself.

I do want to quit for good, but find it hard to quit, although I know, obviously, I'm not going to toke forever. As long as you are questioning yourself, and doubting yourself, I think that's the only thing that matters. You acknowledge you MAY be wrong. But I think that's down to the people's perceptions of it, and it being called a 'Drug'. I look for hope and inspiration, like fellow tokers who you know, are doing alright and good but I don't seem to find any. Too many tokers live up to the stereotype (including me), but it's our job to change that?

And you clown, why are you saying it's long, I was really into that. I know MANY MANY tokers wont admit it, but they too have problems with it. They just dont want to admit it. Sometimes I hate weed, you know. Sometimes before I go sleep, I think fuck that...I'm not doing it again, because of various reasons. But then I toke again thinking, oh welll, it's only one joint.

Some people can smoke once in a month, or even a year and not be affected by it. I really do think it's all in the mind. In an ideal world, I wouldn't want to quit, but this bastard society has made ito ut to bad, so in order to live a 'normal, sane' life, keeping others (i.e family etc) happy, maybe you have to make sacrifices.

If you can CONTROL weed, then I think your loving it. It's really hard, and I'm trying to figure it out myself. I'm still working on it. I've been on it 9 months now and I feel bad but then I think there are chronic smokers who have smoked for decades...imagine what they go through? Then again, they have the lifestyles to accomodate it. Do you have a job??? Why do you feel bad?? is smoking weed and drink all you do? I don't have a job at the minute, so that's why I probably feel bad, but once I get a job...it's all good. Then I'll start feeling good about myself. I'm earning, not wasting time thinking ..."shall i smoke..." but instead....all throughout that shit day at work, just looking forward to that toke, you know? Like a reward. I'm a hypocrite cuz I'm not preaching what I practise, but it's going to change.

But on the whole....I don't think weed is really really bad. It could be much worse? Just go with the flow man, whatever your heart says, do that. If you wanna smoke, smoke, if you don't, fuck it. Only YOU can make that choice.....

Sorry, I know this doesn't answer your question completely, but the only positive outlook and the true reality of life is...."it's too fucking short..." and remind yourself...in a 100 years...you will be dead. No more you.

GOOD LUCK with whatever you do man, and keep us informed on how you get along. We're all here for you!!!!:thumbsup: