how to deal with the fact that you have never had a girlfriend...

[OLDE ENGLISH '800]

longest relationship ive had was 8 months,imo g/f's are overrated trying to make you change and buy them shit i would rather go out every night.

[birdgirl73]

Companionship, friendship, love and affection are very much biological needs. In study after study, we know that people of all ages live longer and in better health when they have companionship and affection. Babies who are deprived of care and nurturing don't thrive at all, and adults are not all that different. It is very much a biological need, most likely driven by evolution. Companionship, since it's a boon to our health and longevity, increases our chances of successfully passing our genes on to another generation.

[TryptamineScape]

after reading birdgirl's response I completely forgot what I was gonna say...someting along the lines of it doesn't really matter if you've never had a gf before. Just don't worry...but it doesn't make sense now I can't really remember the way it made sense...

[Non]

well one thing I have trouble seeing through is that without 'her' I an not even fully yang, because a yang male is supposed to be a certain way. the only way I could do it then is if I find a woman who compliments my 'yang' which isn't even completely 'yang' but an imbalanced 'yang male' so an imbalanced 'yin female' would do so, that we would compliment each other the way the normal 'male/female' relationships are supposed to be.

and so I'm making this whole thing weird.

and I don't believe in evolution by itself. evolution happens through creation, if creation is able, but if not then tough luck. the only motivating force may be pain. so I try connecting with nature but like.. the nature of imbalance is to 'die' and perhaps feel pain with pain being the only motivating force to live on.

[Non]

Yes... but its the hard way... i know that "the burnt hand teaches best" (or somewhat like... its a proverb)... but wisdom is never too much, nor patience. My own first experience was both heaven and hell. The only concrete thing ive learned from it is that the first love is a heavy drug, as addicting as crack, heroin, and its withdraw is VERY bad also. If you think weed is not enough, go for it... but dont say i didnt warned you!



Well... i dont want to disregard your views, but companionship isnt a biological need... its only a social need. But, as we humans live completly immersed into the society, we easily confuse biological needs with social needs. I used to feel like you described, but now ive overcame it... the paths i had to thread were black and cold, but now i can say that nothing actually matters. In fact, now i love to be as lonely as possible... But, each one his own, of course. You are intelligent, and surely will find your way... so, good luck! May the force be with you! :thumbsup:

while you may disagree.. I think we do have ingrained in our biology to be with 'the other'.. why do you think we have the other in the first place, do you think it's for nothing?

[dean0000]

People have been giving good advise here and you just dismiss whatever they say. I think if you think a little more positive you will have a better chance. Thinking negative never got anyone anything. I should know im the king of negative thinking. There is at least 1 girl for every guy so just be yourself and things will happen. Dont act desperate around girls, that makes them run a mile.

[TryptamineScape]

I don't think it's the need to be with someone or loved quite so much as the need for sex that's ingrained in us all. Looking at the rest of the animal kingdom would be proof. Alot of animals have high social needs of course. Mating isn't a social need. Us feeling that we need to be loved or be with someone special is social. Even now, there are places in the world where the social standard is to be with more than one person and think of those people more as property. The common factor is the factor that we all need to mate. In the event a species isn't able to procreate they will resort to other means of sexual satisfaction or procreation. Like those certain frogs that in the event there aren't enough females to mate with the male has the ability to lay fertilized eggs, of which all the offspring are female. That replenishes the female population so the breeding can continue. Male Koala bears have been observed in captivity to have sex with each other in the event there are no females. The urge to mate is an urge they can't fight. I don't think humans are so different. We tend to take care of ourselves in large ways we don't even notice. Social needs and biological needs are different.

[Nailhead]

the problem is I can't even get a date or fuck budddy

what the fuck is dating anyway. I dont know how to go about that one with women. "Hey you wanna go on a date?" it sounds better if I just ask them if they wanna hang out.

Don't worry so much about the definition of "dating", your only purpose of going on a date is to have sex so who cares if your time with a girl is considered a date to others, that doesn't matter. Do what is most comfortable, I don't think I have ever asked a girl straight up "Hey, will you date me?" Just do what is comfortable, like getting her number, or as you mention, just ask if they want to hang out. Just plan something interesting, no matter how slutty the girl is, they all pretend to be innocent virgins so don't just plan to have her come over, get naked and go at it. If you can get her to your place with no distractions, (parents, roomates, etc.), that would be good, watch a rented movie or something, whatever will make the both of you comfortable.

Alcohol is always your friend, bud can be too but most girls aren't really into pot, and many will be turned off if you even offer it so I wouldn't even chance it unless you already know she is down to smoke. Don't listen to these other guys say you need to know her before having sex, if your only looking to get laid her personality doesn't matter for you, and it's not like goody Christian girls are immune from STDs either, so always use a jimmy with anyone you are with! Personally, I'm more paranoid of knocking a girl up than catching an STD, but in either case neither is a good thing to have happen.

[Non]

lol, well yeah I would only look for sex only because I feel like it's an imbalance, at least until I find the right woman that I may want to be with exclusively for a time. Even then though, I would think it does not fulfill, or balance at least fully if I don't find the right woman, or even if I do: the time for the right opportunities has passed me long ago, and it doesn't matter what I may or may not do, there may never be a balance.

Even my mom suggested a whore may help me out at least until I find the right woman...

[Mississippi Steve]

*MOST* of you are way too young to even understand what a relationship is all about. I highly recommend doing what you want to do, and being what you want to be.... *BEFORE* getting committed in a relationship. When your well on the way to being successful in your lifes endevors, then its a good thing to have that dedicated support system to help keep you on track and be your personal chearleader. Sex is great, but... life isn't based on something that occupies less than .01% of your life.
FWIW, the right partner can be a phenominal addition to your life, but...OTOH, the wrong one can just as easily destroy your life, and your ability to keep a roof over your head and food on the table...then you can end up paying for that particular privelage for the rest of your life in the form of spousal support.
Take it from somebody who has been there.