"Also, I figure I'll keep up the same cardio and diet, and then go sloth lazy and eat fatty ass foods starting 3 days before my actual test. Hopefully the combination of all this will allow me to pass a probation test! I woulda been happier if I at least had a darker line on the test, or come closer to passing my specimen validity test (asides from the color)."

This will help a lot and at the same time cut back on fluid intake till the morning of the test so you don't get a negative dillute.