thanks everyone you dont know how much i appriciate it.
i do have a serious problem and i know i do. and i want to change .... badly. im taking all of your advice. im going to go to aa and na because i have problems with a lot of different things. i need to stop all contact ith the 'friends' who arent good for me because even though i am in controll of own choices (clearly i have no self control though) being around a friend who isnt going to tell me to stop or keep giving me the things that they know i shouldnt be doing, isn't ok. and thats not a friend. i dont have any friends really. except this one guy who just took me in. im stayin on a futon in his place and its not too bad. pretty close to where i lived in the city before, and he doesnt want me doing any thing other than pot. i went over there and he listened to me sob, told me neither of us are going to do anything bad. ate a brownie and chilled out.

i am also going to go into a lot of therapy because i do these terrible things because im unhappy. hating myself as much as i do is a problem.

and i shouldnt hate myself. im young and attractive and i had a lot of opportunities and i blew it. i also want to go to college because my job isnt working and i really need to better myself

thanks to all of you agian. like i said i only have one other person who will give me decent advice and you all helped a lot. im goign to get better.
and although i feel like im at rock bottom i know it could get a lot worse, but i hope things only improve.
peace and love everyone thanks.