thanks to all of you again. like i said i only have one other person who will give me decent advice and you all helped a lot.

First step you need to take is with the friend who can give you decent advice. Ask this person to be your accountability partner, some one who will talk to you daily in person or over the phone and ask the hard questions about your issues, and someone you can call when you get tempted and talk it out. All the rehab in the world isn't going to help if there is no accountability. This was the first thing I told my patients when I was a rehab nurse.