Question for women: Vaginal dyness and sex in general

[dragonrider]

Maybe she is turned off my your insecurity over this minor issue.

This sounds like one of those things that spirals out of control. Like when a guy has performance anxiety, which leads to a weak erection, which leads to more anxiety and more problems. Maybe she had the dryness once or twice, noticed your concern, and now she is nervous enough to have a problem all the time. And I say "problem" becasue YOU think it is a problem --- it's not really much of a problem, just get over it, use some lube, and enjoy it.

[inbud]

i didnt read the whole post...but wow.....stop talking about dryness...get some AstroGlide or KY, Sex is sposed to be fun. And if you all cant find a way to get things going (hard) use the ky/astroglide on him. Remember fun, sex is spose to be fun not full of drama. oh yes...and from personal experience....EVERYONE is different!

[GraziLovesMary]

You're pissed about something she has absolutely no control over? Please. That doesn't make a lick of sense.

The Pill can cause dryness. That's a classic side-effect of any hormonal birth control. Fluctuating hormone levels during the month can. Nuva-Ring can. Dehydration can, like when a person has had too much alcohol and not enough water. Even having sex with a running ceiling fan up above can aggravate dryness. It's certainly not just caused by too little arousal, but if your ego is so delicate as to feel you're "being kicked in the gut" because you believe otherwise, then the real solution here is to stop having sex immediately and get some therapy for yourself.

You pretty much said everything I was going to.

My ex was on Ortho Hi and Lo for like 5 years, and that shit would happen all the time. It wasnt consistent, but it would happen. So when it did, we used lube and had amazing sex because thats what people who are happy with themselves do.

[GraziLovesMary]

. Asking for tips here isn't going to get you anyplace, either. The one you ought to be listening to is your partner.

Pretty much.

All women are different dude, as you have found out. Dont be too much of a "man"(pussy) to ask her how she likes it. If youve tried light stimulation, maybe try licking a bit harder. And if you change it up too often during oral, maybe that is ruining her concentration like it has with women that I have encountered. Try being as consistent as possible for as long as possible. Find a spot or speed, or method that makes her moan, and stick with that for as long as humanly possible.

And god damn dude... man up a little.

[someuser]

Maybe she is turned off my your insecurity over this minor issue.

I certainly think that compounds the problem. Being that her and I had a LONG talk about this once or twice she knows how much I get upset over it (not that I am upset with her at the time and act like an ass towards her but later when her or I bring it up I'll just be frank and tell her what I'm feeling). So I think there is some 'performance' anxiety that can come into play which just makes it worse...

[someuser]

All women are different dude, as you have found out. Dont be too much of a "man" (pussy) to ask her how she likes it. If youve tried light stimulation, maybe try licking a bit harder. And if you change it up too often during oral, maybe that is ruining her concentration like it has with women that I have encountered. Try being as consistent as possible for as long as possible. Find a spot or speed, or method that makes her moan, and stick with that for as long as humanly possible.

And god damn dude... man up a little.

Her and I have had very blunt talks about what I and her like... She gets multiple and forceful orgasms from vaginal intercourse when I hit her G-spot. I mean, she goes fucking crazy and she already 'squirted' on me twice...

The THING is though I want to do more for HER then just the G-spot thing... I talked to her and she just doesnt have much of a response as it relates to oral (she isnt as open as I am sexually and I think she gets embarrassed).

She has mentioned she wanted to play 'doctor' which I'm totally cool with but part of her fantasy involves toys we just dont have the money for at this very moment...

So, I've done my best to subsitute and be romantic (candle lit bubble baths, soft music, sex in the living room by the fire place where we can hear the rain drops, sex outside under the stars, and a whole shit-load more)...

But again, her lack of response with oral is really distrubing... I hear your suggestions and I've tried them... I fear it might be more phychological. I think she gets concerned over odor or 'discharge' (which was kinda common with the nuva ring) and I think she just cant focus...

That or maybe I should tell her to shave... She usually perfers her privates shaved but she doesnt because she knows I like hair down there... Maybe that is fucking with the sensitivity (and adding to odor that is making her self-conscious)? I dunno.

[GraziLovesMary]

I certainly think that compounds the problem. Being that her and I had a LONG talk about this once or twice she knows how much I get upset over it (not that I am upset with her at the time and act like an ass towards her but later when her or I bring it up I'll just be frank and tell her what I'm feeling). So I think there is some 'performance' anxiety that can come into play which just makes it worse...

Honestly dude, and for some reason Im putting alot of thought into this...

BC and dehydration can be major reasons, but I really think that she really does get turned off and distracted by your lack of self-confidence. Keep the lube within arms reach and just bust that shit out if need be without even thinkin about it, and after a while you will find you may not need it as much. If you like her, then its on you to make this better. Otherwise it will probably affect your sexual performance for the rest of your life.

[GraziLovesMary]

Her and I have had very blunt talks about what I and her like... She gets multiple and forceful orgasms from vaginal intercourse when I hit her G-spot. I mean, she goes fucking crazy and she already 'squirted' on me twice...

The THING is though I want to do more for HER then just the G-spot thing... I talked to her and she just doesnt have much of a response as it relates to oral (she isnt as open as I am sexually and I think she gets embarrassed).

She has mentioned she wanted to play 'doctor' which I'm totally cool with but part of her fantasy involves toys we just dont have the money for at this very moment...

So, I've done my best to subsitute and be romantic (candle lit bubble baths, soft music, sex in the living room by the fire place where we can hear the rain drops, sex outside under the stars, and a whole shit-load more)...

But again, her lack of response with oral is really distrubing... I hear your suggestions and I've tried them... I fear it might be more phychological. I think she gets concerned over odor or 'discharge' (which was kinda common with the nuva ring) and I think she just cant focus...

That or maybe I should tell her to shave... She usually perfers her privates shaved but she doesnt because she knows I like hair down there... Maybe that is fucking with the sensitivity (and adding to odor that is making her self-conscious)? I dunno.

Hmmm... this new information sheds alot of light.. If she prefers shaved herself, then even though shes doing it for you, maybe she secretly feels less attractive? Distractions are bad if you want her to orgasm, as you well know. As opposed to telling her to shave, though, maybe try asking her if having hair down there makes her feel less attractive. I know what you mean about her being embarrassed to talk about sex, Ive dealt with that plenty, but you can always get it out of them as long as you can make them feel comfortable.

Good luck.

[someuser]

well to be quite blunt... leaving her for this reason would make you kind of an ass... just use some lube, and if you're both still getting off and she's enjoying it then whats the big fuckin deal? and if something she has no control over feels like a kick in the gut to your ego, you really need to work on other means of self-confidence cause thats pretty damn shallow

I dont know dude. I hear what you're saying but I dont think it is fair to judge other people's insecurities... I've been man enough to fess up to my fear/insecurity and even post it on a public forum in hope of getting some kind of responce(s) that might help...

It's important to me both with my ego and physically that she can function 'normally' (not to say her or I might have our days where things just dont work but for the most part I think they should). When my ego gets kicked I get axienty myself which makes it harder for me to get normal errections with her because I keep thinking "is she going to get dry"... I also like having sex for periods of time in the 45 - 60 + minute range... Hard to do when dryness keeps coming up...

And we do have that astro gel (which is awesome) but I dont want to have to use it several times a month... On occasion, whatever... But every 3rd or 5th time is just too much...

I know leaving her over it would make me an ass but staying with her and eventually looking elsewhere is just as bad... I love her very much and I'm willing to try whatever to get her to 'normalize' so here I am posting on this forum :thumbsup:

[someuser]

BC and dehydration can be major reasons, but I really think that she really does get turned off and distracted by your lack of self-confidence. Keep the lube within arms reach and just bust that shit out if need be without even thinkin about it, and after a while you will find you may not need it as much. If you like her, then its on you to make this better. Otherwise it will probably affect your sexual performance for the rest of your life.

I'll try that as see if that helps... I know when she or I worry about it, it seems to make it worse... I just dont want to always have to use it you know? If it takes a bit for her to get back to 'normal' then I'll keep a vat of astro-gel next to our bed... But I just dont want to do that for the rest of our relationship you know?

I mean, what about when we want to be more spontaneous? Cant always have lube with us.

Hmmm... this new information sheds alot of light.. If she prefers shaved herself, then even though shes doing it for you, maybe she secretly feels less attractive? Distractions are bad if you want her to orgasm, as you well know. As opposed to telling her to shave, though, maybe try asking her if having hair down there makes her feel less attractive. I know what you mean about her being embarrassed to talk about sex, Ive dealt with that plenty, but you can always get it out of them as long as you can make them feel comfortable.

Yeah, I'm starting to think that being the type of woman she is she is willing to do whatever she thinks makes me happy even if it might be 'distracting' her... She has said to me recently when we kinda talked about this that shaving makes her clit much more sensitive... But I figured she was talking more about the residual rubbing during sex, not when I'm down there 'parting' things and getting my tongue where it needs to be...

I hate for her to shave though cause I really prefer my woman to look like a woman and not some young teen/early 20 something (no offense, I just like women who look like women) but if that is what it takes I guess it wouldnt be as much as a big deal.


I appreciate the thought you put into this man... It's an important thing for me so I appreciate you giving your thought-out advice :jointsmile: