some lyrics i wrote, need criticism!

[AcidFreak]

okay so i havent really thought of a melody, or even a chord progression, i just started writing and this is what came out...
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i looked into your eyes and found songs worth singing
i looked into your soul and found no reason for leaving
your hand brushed mine and my heart felt like swinging
smoke danced around the ember of my cigarette, our eyes met and they havent left yet...

i saw a world full of people waiting for a sign
a light alone, in the dark, flickers but still shines
the answers out there man, but you gotta read between the lines
a love supreme, what a thing for one to find

we drove around drunk in your best friends car
our hands entwined, we found who we really are
and we named every star and watched them from afar
on this night, pure love rains from above

i saw a world full of people waiting for a sign
a light alone, in the dark, flickers but still shines
the answers out there man, but you gotta read between the lines
a love supreme, what a thing for one to find

and in the hour of my deepest despair,
my heart a wasteland, soul a little worse for wear
when im cold from my fellow man's greed
your face is all the warmth ill need

your face is all the warmth ill ever need...
your face is all the warmth ill ever need...
your face is all the warmth ill ever need...
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AcidFreak Reviewed by AcidFreak on 09-26-2007. some lyrics i wrote, need criticism! okay so i havent really thought of a melody, or even a chord progression, i just started writing and this is what came out... --------------------------------------------------------------- i looked into your eyes and found songs worth singing i looked into your soul and found no reason for leaving your hand brushed mine and my heart felt like swinging smoke danced around the ember of my cigarette, our eyes met and they havent left yet... i saw a world full of people waiting for a sign Rating: 5

[the joint meister]

nice bro! i dig it, i also right songs to, do you play any instruments?

cant really offer any critisim, becuase its not my song,


peace out TjM

[beachguy in thongs]

Did you ever think of switching up the stanzas?

[chalka]

"smoke danced around the ember of my cigarette, our eyes met and they havent left yet..."

really dig this line, very good. as a whole i think it works great as poem, might be hard to put music too. then again, thats always been my prob. can never get the words(or at least words i like) to fit the music.