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  1.     
    #1
    Senior Member

    some lyrics i wrote, need criticism!

    okay so i havent really thought of a melody, or even a chord progression, i just started writing and this is what came out...
    ---------------------------------------------------------------
    i looked into your eyes and found songs worth singing
    i looked into your soul and found no reason for leaving
    your hand brushed mine and my heart felt like swinging
    smoke danced around the ember of my cigarette, our eyes met and they havent left yet...

    i saw a world full of people waiting for a sign
    a light alone, in the dark, flickers but still shines
    the answers out there man, but you gotta read between the lines
    a love supreme, what a thing for one to find

    we drove around drunk in your best friends car
    our hands entwined, we found who we really are
    and we named every star and watched them from afar
    on this night, pure love rains from above

    i saw a world full of people waiting for a sign
    a light alone, in the dark, flickers but still shines
    the answers out there man, but you gotta read between the lines
    a love supreme, what a thing for one to find

    and in the hour of my deepest despair,
    my heart a wasteland, soul a little worse for wear
    when im cold from my fellow man's greed
    your face is all the warmth ill need

    your face is all the warmth ill ever need...
    your face is all the warmth ill ever need...
    your face is all the warmth ill ever need...
    ---------------------------------------------------------------
    AcidFreak Reviewed by AcidFreak on . some lyrics i wrote, need criticism! okay so i havent really thought of a melody, or even a chord progression, i just started writing and this is what came out... --------------------------------------------------------------- i looked into your eyes and found songs worth singing i looked into your soul and found no reason for leaving your hand brushed mine and my heart felt like swinging smoke danced around the ember of my cigarette, our eyes met and they havent left yet... i saw a world full of people waiting for a sign Rating: 5

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  3.     
    #2
    Senior Member

    some lyrics i wrote, need criticism!

    nice bro! i dig it, i also right songs to, do you play any instruments?

    cant really offer any critisim, becuase its not my song,


    peace out TjM

  4.     
    #3
    Senior Member

    some lyrics i wrote, need criticism!

    Did you ever think of switching up the stanzas?

  5.     
    #4
    Member

    some lyrics i wrote, need criticism!

    "smoke danced around the ember of my cigarette, our eyes met and they havent left yet..."

    really dig this line, very good. as a whole i think it works great as poem, might be hard to put music too. then again, thats always been my prob. can never get the words(or at least words i like) to fit the music.

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