Funniest movie Quotes

[Old Stoner]

"I'm gonna make you squeel like a pig, boy!"
Deliverance

[Blitzed]

Seth: I joined this class because I thought I was going to be cooking with a partner. But she's never here, and I don't get twice the grades for doing all the work.
Teacher: I didn't invent odd numbers, Seth.
Seth: I know, but look at Evan. Just look at him.
Evan: [His partner is tying on his apron] Hey, don't keep me waiting much longer, I'm getting impatient up here.
Seth: I'm over here in my unit, isolated and alone, eating my terrible tasting food, and I have to look over at that. That looks like the most fun I've ever seen in my entire life, and it's B.S. - excuse my language. I'm just saying that I wash and dry; I'm like a single mother. Look, we all know home-ec is a joke - no offense - it's just that everyone takes this class to get an A, and it's bullshit - and I'm sorry. I'm not putting down your profession, but it's just the way I feel. I don't want to sit here, all by myself, cooking this shitty food - no offense - and I just think that I don't need to cook tiramisu. Am I going to be a chef? No. There's three weeks left of school, give me a fuckin' break! I'm sorry for cursing.

Ah superbad, cant wait til it's on DVD

haha, that part of the movie just made me crack up, actually the whole movie did..

Here are some from my all time favorite movie Dazed and Confused..

"George Washington was in a cult, and the cult was into aliens, man."

"Behind every good man there is a woman, and that woman was Martha Washington, man, and everyday George would come home, she would have a big fat bowl waiting for him, man, when he come in the door, man, she was a hip, hip, hip lady, man. "

"The older you get, the more rules they are going to try and get you to follow. You just gotta keep on livin', man. L-I-V-I-N. "

"That's what I love about these high school girls, man. I get older, they stay the same age. "

"Maybe the 80s will be like radical or something. I figure we'll be in our 20s and it cant' get worse. "

"You got a joint man?"
"Uhh.. no.."
"Well you'd be alot cooler if you did"

And a couple more from Blow... God.. that movie is so great..

"Danbury wasn't a prison, it was a crime school. I went in with a Bachelor of marijuana, came out with a Doctorate of cocaine."

"Money isn't real, George. It doesn't matter. It only seems like it does. "

"Judge: George Jung, you stand accused of possession of six hundred and sixty pounds of marijuana with intent to distribute. How do you plead?
George: Your honor, I'd like to say a few words to the court if I may.
Judge: Well, you're gonna have to stop slouching and stand up to address this court, sir.
George: [stands] Alright. Well, in all honesty, I don't feel that what I've done is a crime. And I think it's illogical and irresponsible for you to sentence me to prison. Because, when you think about it, what did I really do? I crossed an imaginary line with a bunch of plants. I mean, you say I'm an outlaw, you say I'm a thief, but where's the Christmas dinner for the people on relief? Huh? You say you're looking for someone who's never weak but always strong, to gather flowers constantly whether you are right or wrong, someone to open each and every door, but it ain't me, babe, huh? No, no, no, it ain't me, babe. It ain't me you're looking for, babe. You follow?
Judge: Yeah... Gosh, you know, your concepts are really interesting, Mister Jung.
George: Thank you.
Judge: Unfortunately for you, the line you crossed was real and the plants you brought with you were illegal, so your bail is twenty thousand dollars. "

"I can't feel my face... I mean, I can touch it, but I can't feel it inside... "

"Hey, am I wearing lipstick? I said, am I wearing lipstick? When I'm getting fucked I want to make sure my face looks pretty. "

"Hello Dad. You know I remember a lifetime ago, when I was about 3 1/2 feet tall, weighing all of 60 pounds, but every inch your son. I remember those Saturday mornings going to work with my dad, we'd climb into that big green truck. I thought that truck... was the biggest truck in the universe pop. I remember how important the job we did was, how if it wasn't for us, people would freeze to death. I thought you were the strongest man in the world. And remember those home videos when mom would dress up like Loretta Young, barbeques and football games, ice cream, playing with the Tuna. And when I left for California only to come home with the FBI chasing me, and that FBI agent Trout had to kneel down to put my boots on and you said, "That's where you belong you son of a bitch, puttin on Georgie's boots." That was a good one pop, you remember that. And remember that time when you told me that money wasn't real. Well old man, I'm 42 years old, and I finally realize what you were trying to tell me, so many years ago. I finally understand. Your the best, pop, just wish I could have done more for you, wish we had more time. Anyway, may the wind always be at your back, and the sun always upon your face, and may the wings of destiny carry you aloft to dance with the stars. I love you Dad. Love George. " (that part of the movie almost makes me cry... everytime.. but im too much of a man to cry)

"May the wind always be at your back and the sun upon your face. And may the wings of destiny carry you aloft to dance with the stars. "

"So in the end, was it worth it? Jesus Christ. How irreparably changed my life has become. It's always the last day of summer and I've been left out in the cold with no door to get back in. I'll grant you I've had more than my share of poignant moments. Life passes most people by while they're making grand plans for it. Throughout my lifetime, I've left pieces of my heart here and there. And now, there's almost not enough to stay alive. But I force a smile, knowing that my ambition far exceeded my talent. There are no more white horses or pretty ladies at my door. "

"Sometimes you're flush and sometimes you're bust, and when you're up, it's never as good as it seems, and when you're down, you never think you'll be up again, but life goes on. "



and yeah.. Ill admit it... for some I had to cheat..

[ghosty]

Haha I can't believe no one's beat me to this yet...

"We cant stop here this is bat country!" - Raoul Duke "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas"

[AcidFreak]

95% of the lines from grandmas boy are the funniest shit ive ever heard

[Drag187]

"Wella, around here at 10 harmony and weston-a, they call this here a little, twenty twin twin (LOUD)...N****!
-Smokey and Craig (Friday)

[Diary of a Madman]

In Waiting for Guffman, the scene where the old man is trying out for the local theatre and is reading an exerpt from raging bull.....its 10X funnier since its a nice old man reading the quotes

Jake La Motta: Did you fuck my wife?
Joey LaMotta: What?
Jake La Motta: Did you fuck my wife?
Joey LaMotta: [pauses] How do you ask me that? I'm your brother and you ask me that? Where do you get you're balls big enough to ask me that?
Jake La Motta: I'm gonna ask you again, did you or didn't you? Just answer the question.
Joey LaMotta: I'm not gonna answer that. It's stupid. It's a sick question and you're a sick fuck and I'm not that sick that I'm gonna answer it. I'm leaving, If Nora calls tell her I went home. You know what you should do? Do a little more fucking and a little less eating, so you don't have to blame it all on me and everybody else, you understand me? You're cracking up! Ya' fucking screw ball ya'!

[hero3279]

"Man, ain't nothing wrong with smokin' weed. Weed is from the earth. God put this here for me, and you! Take advantage man, take advantage!!!!":thumbsup:

Smokey - Friday

[beachguy in thongs]

1) Happy Gilmore - Here it is, the funniest movie ever made! Caddyscak is NOT the funniest golf movie, no matter what the old-timers say. Non-stop laughes the entire way through, from the nursing home orderly to Chubbs' hand to Bob Barker beating up Adam Sandler. The pinnacle of Happy Gilmore's career, and a movie that will never be duplicated.

Nursing home orderly (Ben Stiller) - Okay, listen up everybody! Turn up your volumes, announcement. I got good news. We're extending arts and crafts time by four hours today!
Old lady - My fingers hurt.
Orderly - (softly) What's that?
Lady - My fingers hurt.
Orderly - Oh, well, now your back's gonna hurt, cuz you just pulled landscapin' duty. Hmm, anybody else's fingers hurt? I didn't think so.

Grandma - Sir, um, could I trouble you for a glass of warm milk? It helps put me to sleep.
Orderly - You could trouble me for a glass of warm milk. Now you will go to sleep, or I will put you to sleep. Check out the nametag. You're in my world now Grandma.
Grandma - Oh dear.

Epinions.com - 10 FUNNIEST MOVIES EVER QUOTES

[LuckyG]

Warren Muck: Hey, even 1st Sergeant Lipton there, he got a couple of pieces of a tank shell burst in Caretan. One chunk in the face, the other chunk nearly took out his nuts.
Bill Guarnere: How are those nuts, Sarge?
Carwood Lipton: They're doing fine, Bill. Thanks for askin'.

(Band of Brothers)

[CanaDanKs Inc.]

Your heart is free. Have the courage to follow it!


Braveheart :jointsmile: