i got up this mornin and was already to have a nice toasty bagel. well upon opening the fridge i couldnt find the bagel i was looking for. i searched and searched but to no avail. i also found a huge glob of my cream cheese missing. i said to my self , i said" self where oh where id i put that bagel." so then i decided instead i would try some biscuits with bacon and maybe some gravy. well to my suprise there was only 2 strips of bacon. so again i said " self what the hell is goin on?" it then occured to me that maybe aliens came in at took my stuff. maybe it was hillary clinton and her tribe of shape shifting reptilian people from the center of the earth. by now im really paranoid. maybe they were watchin. by this point i decided to just relax and have some coffee. well no one in my house,inclding me, can thro out the old filter and grounds after the coffee is done. so i open up the trash can and what is there but my bagel wrapper and some scraps of bacon fat. thats when the truth hit me. that it was all just a ploy to make me have to eat plain old buttered toast. i suspect my roommates for commiting this attrocity,maybe they are shape shifting reptiles , maybe they work for then men in black, or maybe the cia, or perhaps some worse hither to unknown organization.

what is a man to do? think ill sit down with my toast and contemplate it