I probably deserve a small slap on the wrist for not reading the whole post, but I thought it to be more important to stop reading after the first few paragraphs and address your first question immediately.

NEVER tell ANYONE about a grow unless they have **AS MUCH TO LOSE or MORE** as you do!!! That is the NUMBER ONE rule when it comes to who knows about a grow. This prevents people from flipping to get out of their own problems, not to mention a whole lot of other much more complicated problems involving chain communication etc etc. The most COMMON way grows are discovered is by WORD OF MOUTH. You don't have to lie, just don't bring the subject up. If he asks, say you thought it was risky and weren't sure if you wanted to risk it (you don't have to tell him you decided to go ahead with it). Its called omission of truth. Say as little about it as possible, and be extremely vague about what you do say. Just don't tell anyone who doesn't share the same level of risk as you. I don't mean to be preachy, but believe me, it is WAY better to get the advice than to get caught.