Do expired infractions stay there forever

[birdgirl73]

Yeah, we can't delete them. We can reverse active infractions for justifiable reasons, but even then they still stay visible. At least as far as I can tell.

Well, for your sakes, I think you shouldn't let them bother you. They are not things we ever look at or consider once they're expired. We truly do take a clean-slate approach with people who don't have ongoing, chronic problems here. Consider yourself absolved because, trust me, we have bigger fish to fry than worrying about expired warnings or infractions.

[slipknotpsycho]

yeah but that's not why it bothers me..... it just reminds me of being someone i've worked so hard not to be.... i slipped up and flipped out, and i really hate having that reminder... i dunno if you could understand or not, but i's like a downer in it's self.... it reminds me i can and do lose control, which makes it harder to maintain that control....

[cannabis campbell]

Lol yeah I know what you mean Slip, oh well guess we'll just have to ignore it, It doesnt really make a difference at the end of the day.

[birdgirl73]

i dunno if you could understand or not, but i's like a downer in it's self.... it reminds me i can and do lose control, which makes it harder to maintain that control....

I can understand it and why it would bother you. But I also know you well enough to know you have a tendency sometimes to look at the world through fecal-colored glasses. So instead of being able to dismiss it as old history or a learning experience, you choose to let it define you or affect your equanimity now. It doesn't have to do that. That's a conscious choice you're making in your own perception, if you can understand that. The worst thing about this whole situation is that if it were anyone else other than yourself, you wouldn't hold that against them. At least I don't think you would in most cases.

[slipknotpsycho]

I can understand it and why it would bother you. But I also know you well enough to know you have a tendency sometimes to look at the world through fecal-colored glasses. So instead of being able to dismiss it as old history or a learning experience, you choose to let it define you or affect your equanimity now. It doesn't have to do that. That's a conscious choice you're making in your own perception, if you can understand that. The worst thing about this whole situation is that if it were anyone else other than yourself, you wouldn't hold that against them. At least I don't think you would in most cases.

no i wouldn't and i admit everything you just said.... i've always been far harder on my self with criticism.... i was about to say i can't control that, but i also know you know that's not how a mind works... i guess the words are 'i'm not strong enough to convince myself of that' i dunno i've always been that way =/

for the most part, i don't even pay any mind to it.... i only really think of it when someone brings it up

[birdgirl73]

i guess the words are 'i'm not strong enough to convince myself of that' i dunno i've always been that way =/

I hear you on that. That's the pattern that was set for you before you were consciously aware of it, I expect. From a mom or others who were too hard on you. Now, of course, you've incorporated that into your own behavior toward yourself. But here's the good news. You've got a toddler at home. You can work hard not to repeat that cycle with him, perhaps. Praise him. Encourage and support him emotionally far more than you criticize him. The older I get, the more I realize that there's really no such thing as too much encouragement for a child. They thrive in an environment like that.

Well, enough mama-therapy for tonight. I need to sign off and go figure out why it's suddenly gotten so quiet downstairs. I think the Byrd man is probably sound asleep in front of his football game.

[slipknotpsycho]

well... encouragment won't really come in for a few years, atlesat to where he can understand what i'm doing... i never plan to be hard on him, firm but not hard... i also don't plan to go flipping out on him for no reason like both of my birth parents have done to me... it really is damaging.... even if only once....

[birdgirl73]

Trust me. Encouragement counts now, too. They understand the tone and the emotions involved, and it helps wire the neural pathways in his brain for positive disposition later. Toddlers definitely perceive encouragement and support. "Good boy" and other sorts of positive comments are an investment in his future emotional health clear back to tiny infancy. The other thing you can do with them at this age to build self-esteem is let them figure stuff out for themselves. With puzzles and toys and things they have to figure out, it's so easy for us to step in and show them how something fits together and complete it for them. But they're the ones who need to do that, and it gives them such a tremendous sense of accomplishment when they're allowed to do that. Already such encouragement or discouragement is imprinting on his little brain, I promise!

You know this. I know you do. You also know it's hard because when they're toddlers, they're into so many things are have to be monitored so closely so they don't hurt themselves.

OK, I'm outta here for a while. I think there's a bathtub that needs me to have a nice, long soak!

[slipknotpsycho]

probably a diffrent perception in wording i'm the one that taught him 'yay' and to clap his hands and such... that just seems to go without saying i was just more talking about the 'mature' encouragment.. you know getting into what they're intrested in, showing your intrest and such..

but anyways have a good bath! (nice to know it's not only the stoners who can help a thread go off topic tho lmao...)

makes me not feel so bad for leading so many there

[Nightcrewman]

Here's an idea, what if instead of points against for infractions BG sets up a little parlour out her back yard where we can just go and get a good spanking instead. LOL


NCM