"well, when a male cricket and a female cricket love eachother...." Nah, only joking.

In my vast experience, this is the best way to breed crickets...

First of all, make sure neither of the crickets has any STD's, coz you dont wanna spread that shit, you know?

Secondly, make sure the male cricket doesnt take any drugs that would make him infertile - you dont want him to be shooting blanks.

The next step you have to take is to set the mood. If your living room light doesnt have a dimmer-switch, then buy one! Turn the lights down low, put on some mood-music, serves oysters for dinner, and provide enough alcohol with the meal to get them 'in the mood'. The rest, im afraid, will be up to Mother Nature. Make sure the house is empty, perhaps go out with the family for the evening, and let the crickets do their thang. It cant go wrong

holy unlyrical lyrics batman, im so stoned