gee, i'm so surprised and this is such a great great honor. to begin with i'd like to thank my mentors timothy leary and stanley owsley. though they never achieved anything close to my greatness, they were always of some minor assistance. next i would like to thank all of the little people who made this possible (compared to me, you are all little people). finally i would like to thank the government of the united states of america for keeping this nonsensical prohibition on the books and allowing me to amass my multi billion dollar fortune. i would also like you all to know that, though i have frittered away most of my fortune on underage hookers and cheap wine, i am using the remaining $7.78 to create "the institute for the perversion of american morals" in honor of my misspent youth. in closing i would like to leave you with the words of our ex president and the first woman on saturn (and the last), sally fields - "i can't deny the fact that you like me, you really like me"


by the way - holding my breath should be no problem as i haven't exhaled in nearly twenty years.