It's so hard to like myself.

[Lankan Lion]

EVERYONE struggles with insecurity and it doesn't matter who you are, where you come from, what you look like or what you do. Anyone that says otherwise is a damn liar. Most people just hide it well, and a rare few get to the point where they're completely comfortable with who they are.

You're dead on when you say the only thing keeping you from getting a girl is you believing you can't get a girl. Bun that...get it out of your head. You gotta go in with the mindset that she's as interested in you as you are in her, even (especially) if its not necessarily true. You seem like an educated, motivated, thoughtful guy thats going somewhere real in life. Just ask yourself why a girl wouldn't find that attractive.

[trainwreck530]

ok check it out the law of attraction. this is a really deep subject that could go on for hours. but basiclly, every thought has its own frequency. (literally) and if u think negative thoughts or think 'shit i hope this doesnt happen' chances are it will because that is what u r subconciously seeking out.

if its a self image thing then i would just say work out. and i dont mean eat less (which will slow metabolism) eat more whole, unprocessed foods. and do some intense exercise. switch up your routine so your body wont adapt. run 2 miles a day. do pushups and pullups. get some new clothes, fresh gear :thumbsup:

the only thing more fundamentally important than $$ is stayin healthy/in shape. btw i work @ mcdonalds.

donny

[crudemood]

I've been there too questioned it to the point where I thought they were always just in my life to use me for something they could take away from me as soon as they had my confidence.

I've always had my guards up with friends, I can't let it down.
I don't know if it was in my head but at some points in my life I've had friends manipulate me and back stab me, and just been plain mean to me.

I would stop wondering about it though because just because you had a bad run of luck doesn't mean its going to keep happening. All of my friends up until now have left my life and to me its a real bruise to my ego to the point where I didn't think I deserved to have any friends because something about me kept pushing people away. So any friends I encountered up to last year I always questioned why they wanted to be with me in the first place which in the end pushed them away leaving me alone; back to square one.

Just think to yourself you can't be that bad of a person if someone is willing to stop what they're doing to chat with you or want to spend time with you, the world doesnt do that. They want to be with you because there is something about you that attracts them to you and you should be flattered instead of putting yourself down. I've been there and trust me you're insecurities are all in your head, people DO like you for who you are so stop putting yourself down so much. You're a great person and I bet all your friends and family think so too.

[Old Stoner]

I truly believe that everyone is special. Yes, EVERYONE, including YOU, Nevaquit01. Everyone has a special quality about themselves that no one else has. Some have MANY! Nevaquit01, I believe yours to be honesty, and most of all BRAVENESS, as birdgirl73 put it. Honesty for admitting your innermost feelings, and braveness to be able to share them with others, and try to get help and advice.

Shoot, I've questioned why I was even born, especially after the divorce of my first wife after 15 years of marriage and three children. Man, I was one bullet short of suicide, I was so far in the hole. Not liking yourself is just something you have to work through. It's hard to stop putting yourself down - I STILL catch myself doing it at times. But you gotta realize that the answer lies solely within yourself. YOU must be the one to change, and you CAN do it. If I can, ANYONE can, trust me, LOL... I, for a long time, thought I was hopeless.

Here's an exercise for you. One I did when i was in the dumps - the valley of the self-flagellators.

Get some paper and a pencil, and on one page write down all of your GOOD qualities, This one will probably givce you the most trouble, as you are constantly putting yourself down. But STICK WITH IT. YOU CAN DO IT!

Are you honest? Write it down. Do you consider yourself good looking. Write it down. Will you do things for others even though they haven't even asked yet? Write it down. Are you willing to do things at work or at school for people, even though most others won't? Write it down. Are you funny? Write it down? Witty - can think of things quickly? Write it down. Are you loyal to friends and family? Write it down. Are you a good student? Write it down. Do you learn and pick up things quickly? Write it down. You've already stated you have a good career ahead of you. There's one, by itself. Two, you do fine in school, and are in GRAD SCHOOL. Not very many people have accomplished what you have accomplished. These are just a few examples, and I bet'cha that you qualify on the GOOD SIDE with most of them, just by reading your posts.

Then go to the "Bad" page. Do you fart in public? (Just kidding on that one, LOL) but you catch the drift (no pun intended). I bet a dollar to a donut that this list will be FAR SMALLER than the GOOD list.

And the thing with the girls - shoot - all guys want the girls to like them - excepting the ones who are out for just one thing, a quick, well uh, you know. Just be YOURSELF. Don't try and put up a front, just treat the ladies with respect, and be a gentleman, and things should go nicely.

If you have eyes for just one special lady, let her know it. Tell her she is the most amazing thing God ever made. That you would (ok rebgirl, this is where you say "that's corny", LOL) climb mountains, swim oceans, etc., just to be with her. Heck, you already stated a few reasons they will like you - you a good student, have a bright future ahead of you, and you are honest and brave (by reading between the lines in your posts). Plus, add that "respect the girls" thing in, and try being romantic (always worked for me), and inventive, and most of all, creative. Think of different ways to approach girls, other than "hey, your cute", or the usual speel guys give the ladies.

But by all means, be yourself. I hate "fake" people; I am sure most of us human beings do. And there are a LOT of fakers out there. Don't be one of them! Remember, that guy next to you puts his drawers on the same way you do, one leg at a time. NO ONE is better than ANYONE ELSE. We are all the same in God's eyes. You are JUST AS GOOD as I am, and as others are, and probably even much BETTER than me! I never made it past the second year of college, LOL. I just fake Intellectualism. LOL...

And one last thing. Work on your confidence. It sounds like you don't have too much with the girls right now, but don't worry, it'll come along. Look them in the eye. And if one turns you down, DON'T GIVE UP. There are way too many "fish" in the sea for that. My dad used to say when He was in the Navy that he'd just walk up and ask a gal to go to bed with him. Of course, he got his share of slaps in the face (remember, this was the 1940's), but he said he also got as many who DID go to bed with him! My dad was a work of art, let me tell ya!

Hang in there, bro. I see big things on the horizon for you. As birdgirl73 said, come back and let us know how you are doing. We'll help in any way we can. I've only been here for a few days, but feel like I've made some friends already.

And like crudemood said, I bet your family and family think you're a great guy!

Take care, and let us know if you need anything!

Peace,

Old Stoner

[Rapidfire187]

I really have struggled with this for the longest time and I still don't know why but its so hard for me to like myself. I do fine in school I've graduated and am now in grad school. I have a good career ahead of me no problem I've already got someone paying for my school. I am alittle out of shape but by no means overweight.(just alittle beer belly) I have friends who all respect me.

This self image really fucks things up. Its never an issues with guys. I don't care if they like me (even if I feel like they shouldn't). It causes all sorts of issues when there's females at all. I do care if they like me and I want them to but I start out thinking why would they....

Its almost like the only thing I don't like about myself is that not liking myself fucks things up with girls....

I'm fucking crazy... I know in my head its the dumbest thing ever why can't I just tell myself to quit thinking that...

It's ok to doubt yourself, everybody does it and there's no sense in falsely believing you're better than you really are. But the only way to raise YOUR confidence it seems, is to have positive female reinforcement. To get that, you can't let a girl know of your lack of confidence, because it's a huge turnoff. You need to act confident, and point out everything that's awesome about yourself,