You don't have to apologize for posting on a thread, Rusty. That's what they're here for.

You need to stop the negative self-talk, too. Get someone to call you on that if you can. You deserve to be with someone who will love you from the top of your head to the tip of your toes. All people deserve that. At least the ones who want the company of romantic partners and close, loving friends. That starts, though, with liking yourself. Which takes hard work if you're starting from a place where you don't see a lot to like.

Welcome to these boards. We're glad you're here. Hope you'll post more!