lol Jeffman...I'm a girl, so the seat would be doable, but the floor would be nasty.

Oh. My. God. If I'd have known it was that easy, I could have saved myself a lot of sleepless nights.

So I went to the office and picked up the paperwork (came from a CPL lab) and my boss-to-be gave me the address of the place, about 3 minutes away. Well, I got there and it was a doctor's office...a physical therapist and internal med. doc, actually. The nurse took my paperwork, had me empty my pockets on the counter and drew a line on the collection cup and said, "Ok, I need up to this line, will you be able to do that or do you want some water and a few minutes?" I told her I'd been holding it all morning, complete with a (fictional) anicdote about a woman at Quest freaking out once because I couldn't pee enough. The nurse laughed and I felt even more confident.

She lead me to a bathroom that said "Drug Testing Only" on the door. The toilet tank and sink faucet were tied with Evidence Tape. She squirted some blue die in the toilet, told me not to flush, and to come find her when I was done. Piece of cake. I whipped out the bottle, poured it out (2oz came just up to the line she drew), and got drips on the side and a few on the outside, stashed the empty bottle in my bra, and then went enough so that the toilet water was green.

The temp. was about 98 when I got it to her, and she did a split sample, checked off the temperature box on the form and had me initial it before giving me a copy. She said that they'd have the results within 24-48 hours. Man, I left there feeling like a million bucks! Let 'em perform all the tests they want to on it (although, the nurse was really nice, and so was the doctor that had me fill out the forms while the nurse was with a patient, so I don't want to malign them too much)....it's Quick Fix so I know I'm in the clear.

I went to the mall (King of Prussia, for any SE-PA folks on these forums) and treated myself to lunch at my favorite place in the foodcourt. Thanks Imitator, Jeffman, everyone, and especially FBR for all the help, advice and support!