Jokes

[LaZ]

A woman walks into a supermarket and buys:
1 bar of soap
1 toothbrush
1 tube toothpaste
1 loaf of bread
1 pint of milk
1 single serving cereal
1 single serving frozen dinner
The guy at the checkout looks at her and says "Single are you?"
The woman replies very sarcastically "How did you guess?"
He replies, "Because you're ugly."

OWNED! lmao

[ghosty]

whats the difference between a crack dealer and a hooker?

a hooker can wash her crack and sell it again

[ganjzilla]

hahahaha i liked that last one ghosty and as far as the grocery store joke that shit made me geek out

[psychocat]

The Farting Competition


Little Harley kept disrupting his third grade class by regularly letting loud farts. His teacher kept him after school. When she insisted on knowing why he exhibited such offensive behaviour, Little Harley said, "I do it because I can do it better than anybody, and I'm very proud of that fact."

The teacher says, "If I show you I can do it better than you, will you stop?"

Little Harley agreed and the teacher placed two pieces of paper on the floor with identical piles of chalk dust on each one. Harley dropped his pants, squatted down, farted and blew all but a tiny little speck of dust off the paper. The teacher dropped her panties, lifted her skirt, squatted down and farted but when she was done, and there was not a trace of chalk dust left on the paper.Harley was astonished and asked if he could see her do it again. She was willing and as she repeated the process, Harley peeked up underneath her skirt.

"No wonder you won!" he exclaimed indignantly, "you've got a Double-Barrel!"

[LaZ]

I hope the teacher was hot.

[ghosty]

So this nurse walks into a bank and walks up to the teller wanting to cash a check
Teller says "Ok just sign right here"
The nurse reaches into her pocket and pulls out a thermometer, stalls for a sec and says "oh no!"
"What's wrong?" asks the banker
To which she replies "Some asshole got my pen"

[psychocat]

THE MORAL OF THE STORY .


The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.
The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories. It was Tony's turn.....
"Tony, do you have a story to share?"
"Yes ma'am. My daddy told a story about my Aunt Karen. She was a pilot in Desert Storm and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol and a survival knife. She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't break and then her parachute landed right in the middle of twenty enemy troops. She shot fifteen of them with the gun until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke,and then she killed the last one with her bare hands."
"Good Heavens" said the horrified teacher. "What kind of moral did your daddy tell you from this horrible story?"
"Stay the away from Aunt Karen when she's drinking!"

[UTD Toker]

Q: How did Dairy Queen get pregnant?

A: Burger King forgot to wrap his whopper.:rambo: