wiiiiieeeeerrrddd... so I tried posting this last night I think (or rather at like 5 in the morning) and I guess it didnt work, I was so bummed. But I went to the quick reply box and pasted it... apparantly it was still on the clipboard so this is what I had to say last night lol.

Alright Gandalf, here we go my friend: I think Coelho had the best advice so far. Knowing what to say is only half of the conversation. The other half is knowing when to allow the conversation to wax and wane. Just because the last topic died down, doesnt mean it is either over, or that it must continue. Maybe your conversator would like a moment to allow a point, or an impression from that part of the conversation to sink in. Look off into whatever scenery is present, or if there is none, look inward and appear contemplative, which will possibly mirror the others sentiments, and will give you time to think of how to carry the conversation to the next step. It will also present you with the format to make that transition smoothly.

If you and your conversation partner are facing as such that they are partially dividing their attention towards other activities or events, allow your attention to shift from the conversation to what they seem to be studying. Try to scrutinize their level of focus on the subject they are contemplating, just to get a face value for their take on the subject, then scrutinize it yourself and form an opinion about it. Lastly, either make an offhand remark based upon your new opinion, or ask her offhandedly what hers is, in a curious, but distracted manner. Great conversation can evolve from this. This method is great for starting small talk with somebody you have never seen nor met before.

The final thing to remember about the dynamics of fluid conversation is that it follows a rythym. If one person has a very fast rythym of conversation, it might not mesh well with somebody that is in the mood for a much slower rythym. Start talking in what you judge to be a neutral, or close to neutral rythym and tone. Begin to mold your format to compliment hers. It doesnt have to match or be equal or anything.. sometimes you will get softer when she gets louder, faster when she gets slower, or vice versa. (man thats not meant to sound perverted) Sometimes you will both get faster or louder at the same point in conversation... once all involved in a conversation are fully engaged, it takes on a life of its own. Topics spring from ideas that came from words that the other person spoke.

Attempting to begin an engaging conversation with somebody is equivocal to writing the blurb on the back of a book. You want to engage the reader as quickly as possible, get them excited about the topic, and convince them to read the book. With conversation, its not quite that easy. People dont want to hear pre-fabricated lines, and they arent going to stand around and listen to an entire speil if they dont know you or dont feel like it. The supplement for that is body language. Spend time in front of a mirror until you are confident that the body language that you are displaying is sending exactly the messages that you want to send.

The easiest thing to talk about, and the thing she is most guaranteed to have an opinion(and thus, a response) about is your surroundings. Observe them, be very aware of them. And form opinions about them. Decide which one is the most interesting or intriguing, or one which you can use to make her laugh.. such as to lead into a funny observation that you made either previously or right there.

Lastly, just be yourself and remember if you are nervous that doesnt mean talk more, it means talk less lol. If she is allowing a silence in the conversation.. let her have it! You dont need to fill every gap with what will quite soon be recognized as a desparate search for conversation. Be mellow and nonchallant.. casual.

Good luck bro! I got faith in ya!


I also wanted to add something that I was thinking of today, and that is the fact that I am horrible at small talk. That and the lack of body language are the biggest reasons I hate talking on the phone. However, that has not stopped me from having the most meaningful conversations in my life with the most amazing people, some of which I had never met, some of which I never expected in my life. The point is, dont let the lack of interest or ability with small talk make you nervous or get you down. Just steer or allow the conversation to progress towards something that you like but arent good at. Something you want to improve. Perhaps she knows a bit about it. Perhaps shes good at it, perhaps not. Perhaps shes not interested. Just allow it to get quiet and appear introspective as you think of something else to say lol. It really is that simple. Good luck again bro.