A question to our more socially adept members

[couch-potato]

Every time you buy gas or go to any market whatsoever make small talk with the owner / worker. Don't start a five minute conversation, just enough so that you can buy your shit then leave. Those people interact with others every work day of their lives, so chances are they will be friendly and you will probably pick up on some of their small talk methods over time. Also going to the park helps as well - elderly folk love to chat.

[Purple Banana]

Talk about Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan. Everyone talks about them.

Jk.

Pets, towns, cities, restaurants, POT, NASA, Splenda, fish, graph paper, and 19th century architecture.

Best of luck!

EDIT: thcbongman, you're not socially retarded! You're just quiet. But you're a nice guy!

[thcbongman]

hmmm, you answers are appreciated guys but this isn't what I'm looking for. I know how to ask "how are you", "what you been up to?". talk about the news and such, but I find that runs out pretty soon. It's moving past the initial pleasantries that I struggle with.

For example, what do you usually talk about when the conversation is "settled in"?

How long did you think small talk would last? I think you shouldn't be so afraid to be yourself, and say what's on your mind. They'll be some people who would be receptive of it and some who aren't, but you shouldn't feel down that aren't. There are so many people out there, you know?

I known you from wayyy back, and you are a guy who's rich with knowledge, very cool and spiritually aware. You should have no problem engaging in intellectual conversation with the right kind of people, perhaps you are hanging out in the wrong places?

[thcbongman]

Talk about Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan. Everyone talks about them.

Jk.

Pets, towns, cities, restaurants, POT, NASA, Splenda, fish, graph paper, and 19th century architecture.

Best of luck!

EDIT: thcbongman, you're not socially retarded! You're just quiet. But you're a nice guy!

lol! :P

[vingt.trois]

I have the same problem. I find it's nice to have an activity or something going on in the background that can fill in the gaps in conversation. Have a sitcom rerun in the background, listen to a cool album, go for a walk, suggest going mini-golfing, biking, bowling, something light and fun. Not only do these activities/environments stimulate conversation (sometimes a little bigger than smalltalk), but they also fill in the voids that are otherwise awkward for one or both of you.

Then again, maybe there just aren't many people who can carry on a conversation at the level you'd like them to be carried. It's natural to have people around you that you can have a pleasant conversation with, but don't necessarily talk about anything meaningful -- this happens a lot when you've got peculiar interests. That's okay. Sometimes when you really hope you can get to know someone better, it just doesn't happen. Doesn't "click." That's okay too, even though it sucks a bit.

Someone else suggested making small talk to service clerks and stuff. That might be a good idea! I work in customer service and am always friendly with customers who are friendly with me. It IS a skill, socialization -- little stuff like this will sharpen your skills, gives your more confidence. It did for me, anyway. :jointsmile:

[NextLineIsMine]

I work in a classy restaurant and almost everyday I see painfully awkward couples sitting across from each other yet never talking and looking around at the decor, anywhere but at each other.


Keeping a conversation moving is fundamentally very easy. Gauge their face for interest and bring up new topics until you find one that equally intrigues both of you. Like talk about concerts youve been to, that might lead into the fact you both play guitar or something. Just dont let it stagnate keep the ball rolling by any means necessary until it feels natural I suppose

[Coelho]

I'm not great at talking to people, because honestly I hate talking to people. But at least I hide it well! It's not that hard, you just gotta keep doing it, and then it becomes 2nd nature.

Me too! Thats why i think don Juan's Controled Folly is so useful... anyway...
I used to have the same problems that you... i would stay quiet in a corner, just listening, or with my mind wandering, without saying not even one word...

Then, due some "pressure" of people around me, that kept repeating that i should be more sociable, i started to try to engage conversation. But it was awful. I did put in my mind that the responsability for the talk flow was only mine, so i would became very nervous when some topic ended, and try desperately to find another one to keep the talk going on.

It didnt worked very well, cause when you need a thing to speak, it seems that your mind become empty... or then, if i always found some thing to say, the people could realize that i was "nervous", or trying to lead the talk, cause i always asked a lot of questions, just for keep the talk going.

One day, i realized that in a chat with one people, youre only responsible for half of the conversation. The other people is responsible by the other half. That was a great realization for me. Since then, it has been far easier to chat. When some topic wanes off, if i have another one to start, i do. If not, i stay quiet, and wait for the people start another one. As most people are far more talkative than me, most of time i never had to start many topics, and i leave this work to the people who im talking.

When im talking with one person, i try to pay the most attention i can, try to enter in the topic, so its easier to keep the talk flowing. And, the most important thing is to keep your mind cool. If youre at ease, its far easier to talk, you just need follow the flow. And, also, if youre at ease, the people with you are talking to will feel easier too.

Smiling, laughing, saying some jokes always help. A thing that helps a lot is to show that youre pleased to be talking with the person. For me its one of the hardest things, as like i said, i dislike talking with most people. Anyway, i always have the help of Mother Mary Jane, so its far easier to seem happy and contented when youre somewhat high (NOT too much... only enough for being contented with yourself, enjoying yourself).

The reason why i usually dont like to talk with people is that most of people will talk about things that are not my remotest interest. Im much like you, and the topics i like to talk about (physics, philosophy, altered states of consciousness, spirituality and so) are far from interesting for most people, and what people likes to talk about (TV, sports, politcs, gossip and so) are very boring to me.

So, if you want to talk to most people, you will have to learn to talk about such subjects, even if you dislike them... Like my father used to say, mainly when my mother started to talk some gossip about the doings and misdoings of some children of neighbourhood...
"Superior people talks about ideas,
Commom people talks about facts,
and Inferior people talks about another people's lifes"
sad but true... soon you will discover it, if you dont know already...

A good way for training your talking skills is talking with two people. Its the strategy i always use. If i can help, i never talk to one person alone. So, when youre talking with two persons, you can leave the responsability of the flow of the talk with them, and only make comments, or only say something when you have something to say. In other words, you can keep silent for a while and the talk will not stop because of this. For me, commenting on other person's talk is far easier than keeping a conversation myself.

Well... im sure there was something else i had to say... but my stoner memory is not helping me very much...
Anyway, good luck! :thumbsup:

[bunnyc]

Don't be phony,just talk about whatever you feel like talking about.

The more "in-depth" conversations are always more about things that dominate a big part of ones life.
Just think about something that takes up a lot of your time and life and talk.
Small talk is the route towards "big talk" so just think about what leads up to "big talk".

Try not to be overly normal and don't be stressed,chatting is to relax and meet people.

See y'all:rastasmoke:.

[Gandalf_The_Grey]

Coelho, that thing your father said is one of the best sayings I've ever heard. I would only call people "inferior" or "superior" in a particular sense regarding conversation topics, but it's so true. Some of the most stupid, bitchy people I've met talk about nothing but other people, particularily citicizing them.


lol, you pretty much described exactly how conversations go for me too. The second a topic ends it's massive internal anxiety with my brain "oh shit! Think or something, think of something, think of something.....".

You know what though, screw it, I think you guys (bunnyc for one, thanks man:thumbsup are right and if I run out of small talk I will just whip out the big guns and talk about quantum physics, or philosophy, or biology, politics etc. These things have infinite potential and while I do notice people give me kind of a blank look when I bring them up, I guess I'll just separate the compatible from the not. After all, what's converstion without intellectual stimulation?

[BlAzInIt4:20]

honestly if your trying to make small talk, talk about life and what's going on. Talk about the major issues on the news as in the hurricane. Also talk about urself, and how your day is if they fail to return the question back.


example: i saw an old friend a couple day's ago.

I asked how she was doing, if she was married, if she had children, How her job was, and what did she do, and if she enjoyed it, She works night shift so i commented graveyard sucks, She agreed. I then told her she was beautiful and she smiled at me..

its easy dude, it dosnt take a professor to make small talk...