Quote Originally Posted by thcbongman
I'm not great at talking to people, because honestly I hate talking to people. But at least I hide it well! It's not that hard, you just gotta keep doing it, and then it becomes 2nd nature.
Me too! Thats why i think don Juan's Controled Folly is so useful... anyway...
I used to have the same problems that you... i would stay quiet in a corner, just listening, or with my mind wandering, without saying not even one word...

Then, due some "pressure" of people around me, that kept repeating that i should be more sociable, i started to try to engage conversation. But it was awful. I did put in my mind that the responsability for the talk flow was only mine, so i would became very nervous when some topic ended, and try desperately to find another one to keep the talk going on.

It didnt worked very well, cause when you need a thing to speak, it seems that your mind become empty... or then, if i always found some thing to say, the people could realize that i was "nervous", or trying to lead the talk, cause i always asked a lot of questions, just for keep the talk going.

One day, i realized that in a chat with one people, youre only responsible for half of the conversation. The other people is responsible by the other half. That was a great realization for me. Since then, it has been far easier to chat. When some topic wanes off, if i have another one to start, i do. If not, i stay quiet, and wait for the people start another one. As most people are far more talkative than me, most of time i never had to start many topics, and i leave this work to the people who im talking.

When im talking with one person, i try to pay the most attention i can, try to enter in the topic, so its easier to keep the talk flowing. And, the most important thing is to keep your mind cool. If youre at ease, its far easier to talk, you just need follow the flow. And, also, if youre at ease, the people with you are talking to will feel easier too.

Smiling, laughing, saying some jokes always help. A thing that helps a lot is to show that youre pleased to be talking with the person. For me its one of the hardest things, as like i said, i dislike talking with most people. Anyway, i always have the help of Mother Mary Jane, so its far easier to seem happy and contented when youre somewhat high (NOT too much... only enough for being contented with yourself, enjoying yourself).

The reason why i usually dont like to talk with people is that most of people will talk about things that are not my remotest interest. Im much like you, and the topics i like to talk about (physics, philosophy, altered states of consciousness, spirituality and so) are far from interesting for most people, and what people likes to talk about (TV, sports, politcs, gossip and so) are very boring to me.

So, if you want to talk to most people, you will have to learn to talk about such subjects, even if you dislike them... Like my father used to say, mainly when my mother started to talk some gossip about the doings and misdoings of some children of neighbourhood...
"Superior people talks about ideas,
Commom people talks about facts,
and Inferior people talks about another people's lifes"
sad but true... soon you will discover it, if you dont know already...

A good way for training your talking skills is talking with two people. Its the strategy i always use. If i can help, i never talk to one person alone. So, when youre talking with two persons, you can leave the responsability of the flow of the talk with them, and only make comments, or only say something when you have something to say. In other words, you can keep silent for a while and the talk will not stop because of this. For me, commenting on other person's talk is far easier than keeping a conversation myself.

Well... im sure there was something else i had to say... but my stoner memory is not helping me very much...
Anyway, good luck! :thumbsup: