Would like some advice please...

[GHoSToKeR]

Okay guys, I was just wondering if I could get some advice.. I've come to trust the opinions and advice of members here over the last few years, and other than my friends, who can't really help right now, I don't know who to come to..

So, okay.. A few weeks ago I met this woman. We got along really well, knew the same people, liked the same stuff, and really wanted to see eachother again, so we did.

There's quite an age gap between me and her, but I'm mature enough to get along with someone older, and she's not exactly old.. I'm 20, she's 33.. But like I said, I act alot older than I am, and in some respects, she acts alot younger.

Anyway, right... We started meeting up, going on dates and stuff, hanging out, and all was cool. Then one Sunday she invited me back to her house, we stayed up all night chatting, and then when she announced she was going to bed and I went to say goodbye and go home, she invited me up to her bedroom, and I ended up staying the night. Since then we've been together alot, spent alot of really intimate time together, and everything was going well.. We both 'fell' for eachother really quickly, and we were both really happy.

Or so I thought.

Last night I had a gig with my band, it was for a charity event and she said she really wanted to come along, so she did. After we finished playing and the venue closed, we decided to move along to another bar, but I had to finish packing some stuff away and so I said I'd meet her there.

When I got there, she acted totally different. She barely acknowledge me, didn't speak to me, and was just really odd. I didn't have a clue what was going on, but then I saw her chatting to an acquaintance of mine who I'd introduced her to at the gig and who she'd met once previously (I'll just call him J).

I'm not the jealous type, so when I saw them slow-dancing together (and yeah, maybe I'm nieve) I didn't think anything of it.. I just carried on talking to my friends, and occasionally glanced over at her, J and one of his friends. Then I saw the guy they were both with whisper something to her, and she walked away. Then the guy picked up J's jacket, gave it to him, pointed after her, and J followed her.

Again I decided to let it go because I thought I was just being an idiot worrying about it.. Maybe she'd gone to the fuckin bathroom or something, who knows. But then I went out for a cigarette and passed him and her sitting on a couch, not doing anything but chatting really close and stuff.

Anyway to attempt to cut a long story short, when the bar closed, I went outside, and she was standing there, to my left. J walked out and didn't see her, and walked to my right. She saw him, saw me, and just stood there, so I went over. At that point she walked away form me without even looking at me, and I went after her and just said "hey what's up?" and she went "sorry I don't want to talk to you" in this really shy kind of way.. A few seconds later she walked off and her and J walked of together.

Fine, she's fucked me over, whatever.. I gathered up the dudes I was with and moved on to another bar, and decided to drown my sorrows in as much alcohol as possible. We went on to the dancefloor and my buddy tapped me on the shoulder and pointed at someone, when I looked to see who I realised it was her and J dancing together. Fuck it, who cares, right? But then she walked off and J saw me and came over to talk to me like we were best fucking buddies.. Despite my attempts at being a pacifist, I was drunk and angry, and pushed him away and told him to fuck off. Anyway, we barely avoided having a fight because he asked me to go outside and have a cigarette.

He acted like he didn't know what was going on so I told him what I thought was happening, and he was like "dude, you've got it totally wrong" BUT he did say that if me and her were to split up, he'd definately go for her!! At that point I had to just walk away.

Anyway he approached me later and told me that she wanted to meet me outside the bar when it closed. So I waited, and she didn't show up, so I went home.

Guys, I'm fucking absolutely crazy about her, and she said exactly the same about me! But after all that shit it kind of fucked my head up.. I was in such a bad mood, but when I got home I had an msn message from her saying stuff like "I feel so bad" and "you probably hate me now", so I called her on the phone, and she asked me to come round (we live like 2 minutes from eachother)..

When I got there she was acting all shy and weird, but she basically just said that the reason she acted like that was because somebody had referred to her as "James's girlfriend" and it freaked her out because she's been single for quite a while and bla bla bla, she didn't know how to handle it.

I was kind of drunk so I told her how much she'd fucked me over and she kept saying she was sorry, but that she thinks I should be with someone my age and alot of other bullshit. It would make sense if it wasn't her who had instigated the whole fuckin relationship, you know?

Anyway in the end I just walked out because I was really upset. I called her this morning not to try and get with her or to beg or plead or whatever, I just called her to apologise for being a bit of a dick last night after all this happened. I know she should be apologising to me, but I don't like to be enemies with anyone or hold a grudge against anyone. When I called her this morning though she's asked me to go around to hers at 12 today to "talk".

Dudes, really fucxking sorry about the long message, I'm just totally torn up about this and needed to get it off my chest now that the booze has worn off.. Not that I can think clearly, I feel fucked up, but you know. I don't even really know what advice I want from you, but if you've read this far then maybe you can just you know, give me your opinions abot how I should handle this? thanks

GHoSToKeR Reviewed by GHoSToKeR on 08-31-2007. Would like some advice please... Okay guys, I was just wondering if I could get some advice.. I've come to trust the opinions and advice of members here over the last few years, and other than my friends, who can't really help right now, I don't know who to come to.. So, okay.. A few weeks ago I met this woman. We got along really well, knew the same people, liked the same stuff, and really wanted to see eachother again, so we did. There's quite an age gap between me and her, but I'm mature enough to get along with Rating: 5

[jdmarcus59]

Okay guys, I was just wondering if I could get some advice.. I've come to trust the opinions and advice of members here over the last few years, and other than my friends, who can't really help right now, I don't know who to come to..

So, okay.. A few weeks ago I met this woman. We got along really well, knew the same people, liked the same stuff, and really wanted to see eachother again, so we did.

There's quite an age gap between me and her, but I'm mature enough to get along with someone older, and she's not exactly old.. I'm 20, she's 33.. But like I said, I act alot older than I am, and in some respects, she acts alot younger.

Anyway, right... We started meeting up, going on dates and stuff, hanging out, and all was cool. Then one Sunday she invited me back to her house, we stayed up all night chatting, and then when she announced she was going to bed and I went to say goodbye and go home, she invited me up to her bedroom, and I ended up staying the night. Since then we've been together alot, spent alot of really intimate time together, and everything was going well.. We both 'fell' for eachother really quickly, and we were both really happy.

Or so I thought.

Last night I had a gig with my band, it was for a charity event and she said she really wanted to come along, so she did. After we finished playing and the venue closed, we decided to move along to another bar, but I had to finish packing some stuff away and so I said I'd meet her there.

When I got there, she acted totally different. She barely acknowledge me, didn't speak to me, and was just really odd. I didn't have a clue what was going on, but then I saw her chatting to an acquaintance of mine who I'd introduced her to at the gig and who she'd met once previously (I'll just call him J).

I'm not the jealous type, so when I saw them slow-dancing together (and yeah, maybe I'm nieve) I didn't think anything of it.. I just carried on talking to my friends, and occasionally glanced over at her, J and one of his friends. Then I saw the guy they were both with whisper something to her, and she walked away. Then the guy picked up J's jacket, gave it to him, pointed after her, and J followed her.

Again I decided to let it go because I thought I was just being an idiot worrying about it.. Maybe she'd gone to the fuckin bathroom or something, who knows. But then I went out for a cigarette and passed him and her sitting on a couch, not doing anything but chatting really close and stuff.

Anyway to attempt to cut a long story short, when the bar closed, I went outside, and she was standing there, to my left. J walked out and didn't see her, and walked to my right. She saw him, saw me, and just stood there, so I went over. At that point she walked away form me without even looking at me, and I went after her and just said "hey what's up?" and she went "sorry I don't want to talk to you" in this really shy kind of way.. A few seconds later she walked off and her and J walked of together.

Fine, she's fucked me over, whatever.. I gathered up the dudes I was with and moved on to another bar, and decided to drown my sorrows in as much alcohol as possible. We went on to the dancefloor and my buddy tapped me on the shoulder and pointed at someone, when I looked to see who I realised it was her and J dancing together. Fuck it, who cares, right? But then she walked off and J saw me and came over to talk to me like we were best fucking buddies.. Despite my attempts at being a pacifist, I was drunk and angry, and pushed him away and told him to fuck off. Anyway, we barely avoided having a fight because he asked me to go outside and have a cigarette.

He acted like he didn't know what was going on so I told him what I thought was happening, and he was like "dude, you've got it totally wrong" BUT he did say that if me and her were to split up, he'd definately go for her!! At that point I had to just walk away.

Anyway he approached me later and told me that she wanted to meet me outside the bar when it closed. So I waited, and she didn't show up, so I went home.

Guys, I'm fucking absolutely crazy about her, and she said exactly the same about me! But after all that shit it kind of fucked my head up.. I was in such a bad mood, but when I got home I had an msn message from her saying stuff like "I feel so bad" and "you probably hate me now", so I called her on the phone, and she asked me to come round (we live like 2 minutes from eachother)..

When I got there she was acting all shy and weird, but she basically just said that the reason she acted like that was because somebody had referred to her as "James's girlfriend" and it freaked her out because she's been single for quite a while and bla bla bla, she didn't know how to handle it.

I was kind of drunk so I told her how much she'd fucked me over and she kept saying she was sorry, but that she thinks I should be with someone my age and alot of other bullshit. It would make sense if it wasn't her who had instigated the whole fuckin relationship, you know?

Anyway in the end I just walked out because I was really upset. I called her this morning not to try and get with her or to beg or plead or whatever, I just called her to apologise for being a bit of a dick last night after all this happened. I know she should be apologising to me, but I don't like to be enemies with anyone or hold a grudge against anyone. When I called her this morning though she's asked me to go around to hers at 12 today to "talk".

Dudes, really fucxking sorry about the long message, I'm just totally torn up about this and needed to get it off my chest now that the booze has worn off.. Not that I can think clearly, I feel fucked up, but you know. I don't even really know what advice I want from you, but if you've read this far then maybe you can just you know, give me your opinions abot how I should handle this? thanks

before i read anyones elses post Iam just going to tell you WALK AWAY.

[GHoSToKeR]

Lol... Well I went round to her house at 12 for this "chat"... She acted like a dick, saying stuff like "I'm a bitch, so what?" and she even laughed at me for being upset about this whole thing, and just shrugged her shoulders! Fuck her, what a twat!

[slipknotpsycho]

first, does this guy have any 'dirt' on you that he coulda told her that woulda made her not want anything to do with you? (honestly i believe that whole gf thing is a bullshit excuse, a pretty lousy one at that) since yal were both into each other, and then all of a sudden after hanging out with him, she hardly will acknowledge you, leads me to believe he must've told her something to sway her opinion about you.

i'd ask her (are you any good at picking up deceptiveness?). i'd be firm with it, tell her you want to know the truth (but keep it calm, don't get all mad/angry toned) or you plan to just move on. why yal have been so close, then she spends all of a couple of hours with someone else and acts like you're a convicted murderer or something.

and just take it from there...


or your other choice is of course to just cut her outta the picture, ignore her, and find someone else.

[stinkyattic]

Back easy a moment.
You are 20. That's not in itself a bad thing. But what in the holy hell would a girl who is 33 want with a 20 year old, unless it was some sort of creepy power-play bullshit.
She sounds like a head case.
Don't turn and walk away... put on your Adidas and RUN.

[ganjzilla]

yeah it sounds like you were happy...but damn if the woman is 33 years old and that afraid of committment that she treats u like that cuz someone said she was ur girlfriend, taht tells u it is goin nowhere quick...if she isnt ok with being a "girlfriend" at 33, what would happen if u asked for an engagement in a few monthes...leave while ur not that attached

[lagstronaut]

Blow her off next time saying you're goin to some girls house or something (doesn't matter if it's true or not), and gauge her reaction. Or next time you're at a bar together (if you make it that far with her again) pull the shit she pulled on you and if she seems to accept it and find another guy there too, then be prepared for some heartache brotha but Leave Her at that point.

[hippy lettuce]

She sounds like a complete game playing power mad douche, she's 33 and shes acting like a kid. I got mad just reading about how she acted n how that 'j' was with her so fuck knows how u must of felt. Sorry 2 hear it dude. Get her out ur life m8 cos shes being on n off n acting like a prick by the sounds of it...and good on u for not punching that other guy out. All in all...she sounds like bad news.

[Coelho]

"Hey Joe, where you goin' with that gun in your hand?
Hey Joe, I said where you goin' with that gun in your hand?"
- said Hendrix... :rastasmoke:

[GHoSToKeR]

Slip, not as far as I know, dude.. The way I see it, she's been single for a long time until I came along, and I just think now that she's got the confidence back to start dating, she's met this guy and decided she likes him more than me, so I don't mean anything to her anymore. I really hope that's not the case, but it probably is..

stinkyattic, I know what you're saying. Everyone's been saying to me "it must be cool for you to be with an older woman, but why the fuck is she with a 20 year old?".. Lol, she has some real issues when it comes to guys and dating and stuff. So there could be a million reasons for why she's acted like this, or maybe she's just being honest and she is a bitch?

ganjzilla, good point bro.. To be that scared of commitment that you run away the moment someone refers to you as a 'girlfriend' of someone is fucking lame ass.. I mean the night before we'd been talking about our relationship and stuff and she pretty much referred to herself as my girlfriend! lol

lagstronaut, thanks for the advice bro, but I doubt I'll ever be in that position with her again. Not only has she blown me off in the most heartless fuckin' way possible, but she's acting like she hasn't done anything wrong and can't understand now why I'm angry! So I'd find it really hard to be friends with her or be close to her again! Since this happened I've been going through hell, not just because I'm that hung up on her, but because of the way she fucked me over too. I dunno if I could put myself through that again..

hippy lettuce, Lol thanks! Yeah you're right, the more I think about it the more she seems like a really imature head-case.. I wish I could just go "fuck her!" and not even think about her again, and it's really difficult keeping myself from phoning her again and again.. But I'm sure there's some other reason for her acting like this towards me.. Maybe she is just scared of commitment and she panicked? I dunno..

Thanks for your replies guys! It's cool being able to talk about this with you!