Yeah, phones suck lol
Especially when you get a call from your ex-wife telling you that your son isn't doing as he's told - she wanted me to talk to him and tell him off..cuh! Stupid woman!
Or, you get a call from your parents trying to give you a pep-talk about how you've got to 'get out there and find a job and stop sitting on your ass feeling sorry for yourself' - this is true, of course, but how many times has a person got to re-invent themselves and 'pick themselves up'?
I've lost count, and quite frankly I'm tired of doing it...what's the point?
Everytime I think I've got myself sorted out, something comes along and slaps me back on my ass again.....and again.....and again...*yawns*

Then you try and watch a bit of TV....
Is everyone on this planet thick as shit?
Can they not see what this world has become?
Do they not realise all the bull-shit that is thrown about by those in power?
Terrorism?
Bollocks more like!

The only reason I don't smash the TV up is because I need it for the PS2!

Is everybody's house painted in neutral colours?
Are we really interested in watching dumb-ass people try to relocate to Spain, to set up a bar, when they clearly have absolutely no idea what-so-ever about what is involved in such a thing?
Why are antiques such a hot-bed of excitement?
We watch as people get their junk valued by some toffee-nosed, hoity-toity dip-shit, who spouts off a load of uninteresting bollocks about the history of a thimble, then look at the thinly disguised disappointment of the vendor, as he's told it is worth thrupence-ha'penny...."I bought it in a car-boot sale for £200!"

Then there's the news!
Mass-hysteria, propogated by government owned organisations (BBC), that claim to give unbiased coverage...yeah,,,,righto

We got reality TV shows coming out of our ears - boring crap!
Who wants to watch the pre-edited antics of a few washed up 'celebrities' bitching eachother up?
If they aint in a stupid pre-fab house in London, then they're in a jungle, eating bugs and shit!

Or, there is the option of mind-numbing soap operas...
Farmhands shagging eachothers wives, or barrow-boys grimacing at their neighbours and threatening to beat them up, or Northeners spending 85% of everyday in the pub supping ale.....

And everything is sponsored by STERIDENT - that's a false teeth cleaner...
"DENTISTRY IN THE SHETLANDS....sponsored by STERIDENT, the No.1 false teeth cleaner"


And then, you'll invariably get a chance to win £1000 in cash!
All you have to do is answer this simple question:
If your house was on fire, who would you call?
A - the speaking clock
B - British Rail Timetable Enquiries
C - A fireman

Then, if you're really lucky, they'll give you a little clue....
CLUE: you might rearrange the words "man", and "fire", to get the right answer....

It's at times like this that I'm glad I don't have a shot-gun to hand...I wouldn't be able to decide whether to shoot the TV, or myself!

Then there's the Council....
They've decided, in their infinite wisdom, to only collect the rubbish (trash) once a fortnight now!
Why?
We'll be getting a council tax rebate then, will we?............will we my arse!
I pay nearly £1000 a year to the council, so that they can keep my locality in good condition....
Which, apart from having to walk past overflowing wheelie-bins, look at obscene graffiti, put up with a crumbling health service, an inadequate and mis-managed education system, an almost non-existent public transport service, and crappy roads and pathways...they do...sort of

And don't even mention the Police...
Whilst old folk are mugged, women are raped, children are molested and abused...the Police can hold their head up high and say "Ah yes...but, we've caught a bloke for driving at 5mph OVER that speed limit today...we had to sit for nearly 4hours, behind a bush, but eventually..we got him!"

Cool.

Well done.
I feel sooo much better now that I know that that awful driver is no longer terrorising that stretch of ridiculously wide, empty, straight road.....

BTW....cos I'm so broke, I haven't had a roll-up since this afternoon, so I may seem a little ...errr....what's the word?.....tense...I've already checked the ashtray (I've got the ashy lips to prove it!)...

Apart from that, everything is fine....

really