Err...dunno?

[RESiNATE]

lol..you're too kind...but I do profess to like showing off my 'work' lol

See if you can guess my mindstate with this one

RES IS DEAD

Out of the darkness from whence I resided,
A difficult choice that I have decided,
Of pain that I have caused, and has been done unto me,
No more, I tell you, in this, my decree.

The path to enlightenment, which I thought had been clear,
Prophecy and destiny, theories I had held dear,
Have all turned to rot now, no more than a lie,
The will to continue is ready to die.

The sadness weighs heavy in my faintly beating heart,
No more of this world do I want to be a part,
The last of my days I will spend on my own,
Until Death comes to get me, and the exit be shown.

Do not mourn for me, people, nor pass a fleeting care,
I betrayed the very fabric of the morals I spoke clear,
My spirit is broken, and hope lost forever,
I was just very stupid, when I thought I was clever.

The pedestal that I stood upon lies in tiny little bits,
Smashed into insignificance by my own lack of wits,
How foolish I look now, atop this sorry pile of stone,
Just desserts, I guess, I deserve to be alone.

No longer shall I tarry, in this painful world of Man,
Nor waste any effort on my fruitless, future plan,
My time here is over, the pain so nearly done,
"Well done, 'Higher Being', you've very nearly won!"

I thought that I was part of a complicated plan,
Judged and overseen by a bearded holy man,
Thinking that my efforts would be an asset to my life,
That would somehow contribute to the easing of my strife.

The light almost past, and darkness growing deeper,
Arms outstretched, I embrace the Soul Keeper,
The chill of death feels welcome and complete,
As I succumb to my failings and defeat.

Back to the Darkness of sadness and pain,
The Res Spirit fades, never seen again,
No life flows through the vessel left instead,
There is no doubt, Res is truly dead.


Hmmmm...I remember when I wrote this...it was looking pretty bleak - all of it self-pity...
And yet, it was how I was feeling...self-pity?, no, I look at it as a way of communicating my innermost emotions - I accept my darkness for what it is...a part of me.

Often, creativity flows best when we are at our most self-destructive.
I kinda like my darkness...it helps me to see the good things in the world, you know?

Res...

RESiNATE Reviewed by RESiNATE on 01-24-2005. Err...dunno? Hi everyone! I haven't been about for a while, and this is due to the fact that I am slowly slipping into the realms of poverty and depression. I just smashed my mobile phone up because I was annoyed at the bank-robot-telephone-thingy telling me that I have no money. I have no job either, because work has been so lax lately, that I can no longer afford to put petrol in my car...and besides that, it has no MOT...and the cam-belt is in imminent danger of snapping (Ford's after-sales Rating: 5

[Stoned Scouser]

i know exactly... i'm guessin ur mind state was u were sufferin a severe loss of some sort and blaming urself! i'l return the favour... this is a 16 bar verse i wrote when i was very high and jus contemplating the worlds problems

I Reach Number Nine Anâ?? Jusâ?? Keep On Climbinâ??

Realisinâ?? Every Cloud Has A Silver Lininâ??

But Thereâ??s People Dyinâ?? All Across The Globe

So I Get To Rhyminâ?? Every Time Iâ??m Stoned

Sittinâ?? Back With My Sack I Try Anâ?? Invision

Not Hearinâ?? Lies Spoken For Once By Our Politicians

Prime Time BBC1 On Our Televisions

Fakinâ?? Petitions Anâ?? Then Take Their Positions

Youâ??l Break The Opposition Not The Third Eyeâ??s Vision

Coz I Smoke Herbal Remedies With Out A Prescription

Anâ?? With This Composition I Will Conquer By Division

Coz Representinâ?? Britain Is My Goal Anâ?? Soul Ambition

Itâ??s My Only Mission, A Whole-Heartedly Made Decision

Wishinâ?? For A Practical Use For Nuclear Fission

People Are Yearninâ?? For Earninâ?? Off Fossil Fuels

Itâ??s Concerninâ?? What Weâ??re Burninâ??, Us Humans Are Fools

[Stoned Scouser]

Again a fantastic piece of work res, very deep and dark lol... i am curious as to what ur mind state actually was tho ???????? was i close ????????

[RESiNATE]

Ah ha...you are indeed perceptive, dude
It was more than a loss...it was the utter destruction of everything that I believed...

And she was a great loss...

Yours is good too...I especially like
"Not Hearinâ?? Lies Spoken For Once By Our Politicians
Prime Time BBC1 On Our Televisions
Fakinâ?? Petitions Anâ?? Then Take Their Positions
Youâ??l Break The Opposition Not The Third Eyeâ??s Vision"

Funny how most people don't see that

They are told how to live their lives - what to eat - what colours to paint their houses - how to look - how to feel....

Big Brother is a prime example!
The media hype it up so much, that people cannot escape it - they are made to talk about it, to watch it, and care about it...WHY?

It is no longer a psychological examination of human behaviour, but has turned into a freak show of bitchyness - designed to embarrass and humiliate the 'contestants' for the twisted pleasure of the masses..or rather, the media machine.

Why are we still burning fossil fuels?
There are alternatives...but we don't see them because the oil moguls need us to be dependant...we are the addicts - bound and gagged for their needs. Their greed. Our sufferance. The planet's demise.

Why are we still developing more weapons of mass destruction?
Have we not learnt from the past?

And sometimes, you meet someone who shares your views in every way imaginable - complete compatibilty - seeking the same dreams as you...and they let it go...

How did the lyrics go in that song from the 80's?...was it like an answer-phone hook going on in there?...
"It's kinda like winning the lottery, then throwing away the ticket so that you can play again"

[Stoned Scouser]

i knew it was a she... didn't want to say incase it brought bk horrible memories tho... at first i thought she might have died then as i read on i was lead to believe, that it was a rough break up like when u say about how the future plans b'n over etc. i'm proud of myself!

yer man big brother sucks these days an' ur right... i dont like it yet i am forced 2 watch it even if i only do so to take the piss out of vile creatures such as marco!

i also lost a girl i loved once... nothin 2 the extent as u did as im stil just 17 but definately when things r bad my creativity really kicks in... its almost like all of thse bad things r happenin to give me something to write about... when liane left i wrote a song 4 her with tears in my eyez, terrible @ the time but lookin bk on it its sum of the best stuff i'v written! again with gettin arrested, then second i got out the cell i got my pen n pad n jus let it all out!

makes me think sometimes am i subconciously creatin problems in my life to fuel my own creativity??

JESUS CHRIST that sounded like somethin u would say... damn i'm learnin fast! haha

[RESiNATE]

lol...yups..you're beginning to understand yourself, dude

See, you have to look within yourself, explore every facet of who you are - good and bad...then you can start accepting yourself for who you are.

It aint always a pretty journey, and some of the things you find might even cause deeper pain.
I did this some years back.

Enlightenment can come at a price.
But the rewards can be great also.

Shit happens, my friend, as you well know, hearts are broken and beliefs are shattered.
I used to believe in Destiny - I have since learnt that there is only one destiny...it's how we get there that matters.
And all the while, Fate plays her twisted game...

The count-down starts from the moment we are born - like the fine grains of sands that swirl inexorably toward the domain of lost chances and possibilties.
We cannot stop the flow of their passing, but maybe we can make them twinkle when they land...

In the meantime, I'll keep waiting for the phone call from Morpheus lmfaooooooooo

[BOgart.bitch]

Hi everyone!


I haven't been about for a while, and this is due to the fact that I am slowly slipping into the realms of poverty and depression.
I just smashed my mobile phone up because I was annoyed at the bank-robot-telephone-thingy telling me that I have no money.
I have no job either, because work has been so lax lately, that I can no longer afford to put petrol in my car...and besides that, it has no MOT...and the cam-belt is in imminent danger of snapping (Ford's after-sales policy).
I shouldn't have thrown the phone at the wall, I spose...but hey, stress relief is sometimes costly..never mind, it was only a crappy Nokia 5210 (so much for the 'robust shock absorbent cover')...
I've also done something to my back, and find it impossible to find a comfortable position to lie in/sit in/stand in...which is why I am still up at 3:30am.
I'm quite a sight to watch hahaha

Anyways, the ISP has reconnected me (for the time being), but I guess it will be a short-lived thing...at least until the end of this month, I guess...

So...how's eveyone else?

miss ya around the boards, buddy. im sorry to hear about all of the sadness in your life. if you ever need to talk or anything drop me a line. us smokers have to stick together.

[RESiNATE]

Hey there BOgart ..thx babe, it is a passing phase that must be endured ...a necessary thing - how's your butt?
lol



Life, eh?
It is the thing that happens whilst we wait to die...

But you know, I have an uncanny knack of bull-shitting my way around these things - not necessarily solutions, rather an aversion of what's coming to me lol

Hope you're doing good (?)

[RESiNATE]

Because, my spider-sense tells me that you are dark, BOgart...
Mais quoi?

lol...but I am prolly wrong

lol

[BOgart.bitch]

it is a passing phase that must be endured ...a necessary thing

that's true. i hope you make the pain worth it.. you know.. learn from your mistakes and work toward self improvement..
or something like that. make something good out of the bad, so that the bad will have at least had a purpose.

Life, eh?
It is the thing that happens whilst we wait to die...

so live it up. eh eh. *wink*

But you know, I have an uncanny knack of bull-shitting my way around these things - not necessarily solutions, rather an aversion of what's coming to me

rationalization + denial = a road block on the path to success

Hope you're doing good..Because, my spider-sense tells me that you are dark, BOgart...
Mais quoi?

lol...but I am prolly wrong

mais quoi? is that french? hmm. i have my dark side.. and sometimes it does consume me. i spend most of my life battling the temptation to go back.. or to stay (depending on where i am at the time).. being happy is exhausting.. but i think it pays off. (it better, because if all of this work is for nothing im going to be pissed)...


you cant control the outside interferences in your life.. all of the bills and the conflicts and the drama.. but you can control how you work with what you've been given.

im rambling.