Err...dunno?

[Stoned Scouser]

hey res i feel bad 4 ya man... i aint doin 2 gud either bud... i got busted man... 7 ounces of top quality dutch skunk, 2 ounces of purple haze, a few ounces of rocky, me scales, tick lists, an all me cash... fuckin corrupt cunts only sent £240 as evidence an pocketed the rest... I'm well over £2,000 down now, i'm jobless an in debt £300 2 me mum who had 2 bail me out what i owed sum geezer i was gettin green off. Even b4 this i was depressed myself m8 on anti-depresants an goin 2 counsellin etc. but now shit's hit the fan things r well worse! I'v had 2 stop smokin aswel so it looks like im makin an effort 4 the court... i'm 10 dayz clean 2day an its hard as fuck!!! I keep loosin my temper aswel i smashed my keyboard up th other day an me nuckles r covers in bruises! Life is jus' shit but u gotta keep ya head up (so i'm told lol)... anywayz i hope fings pick up 4 ya!

Stoned Scouser Reviewed by Stoned Scouser on 01-23-2005. Err...dunno? Hi everyone! I haven't been about for a while, and this is due to the fact that I am slowly slipping into the realms of poverty and depression. I just smashed my mobile phone up because I was annoyed at the bank-robot-telephone-thingy telling me that I have no money. I have no job either, because work has been so lax lately, that I can no longer afford to put petrol in my car...and besides that, it has no MOT...and the cam-belt is in imminent danger of snapping (Ford's after-sales Rating: 5

[RESiNATE]

Wow Scouser, thats, like, mega-bummer dude!
Shit!

Yups, know about the random acts of violent frustration, man...there's one less Nokia 5310 in the world...not necessarily a bad thing...

It is during these times that a man needs to be philosophical - introspective, reflecting upon those things that cause us anguish.


And the sacrifice of inanimate objects...on occasion.

[Stoned Scouser]

thats exactly y am bk on here man... ur the most philosphical guy ever.... jus look how many big words u used in that last post lol

[RESiNATE]

lol...philosophical, maybe ... big words, definately.

lol

The worst part about the last few days has been mainly due to the fact that I couldn't get on-line...even in times of no weed, no money, and no direction, this place seems to be able to make things more managable...even if it only serves as a way of getting stuff off yer chest.

Now I'm back (briefly though it will be) I have an avenue to vent and talk to people who are going through the same kind of shitty existence.

I guess that weed opens a persons mind...and with it, the realisation of how fucked up this planet is.

It's a ying-yang thang, dude lol

One the one hand you see the world in a new light - nature becomes awesome and respectable, thought become deeper and more encompassing, and understanding and awareness is of a level that was beyond our comprehension. A good thing.

Conversely, we see the inadequacies of the ways in which the world works, the injustices that are committed against our fellow man and the planet in which we reside, and a sense of isolation and lonelyness from the majority. A depressive thing.

The futility that we feel is the thing that overwhelms us.
We seek the effects of our beloved plant - not for answers or solutions, but for a way to dull the pain and frustration.

Someone once said that I smoke weed to escape from my reality.
They are wrong.
I do not smoke to escape from reality - I smoke to survive reality.

I often wonder who I would be if I hadn't discovered cannabis...
I sometimes ask myself if I would be a happier person...

But then I realise...the answer would be "No".

Why?

Because I think I am glad that I see my life for what it really is.
I may not like everything about it...some of it drives me insane...some of it makes me wish I was dead...

Even though I have gained an awareness that causes me pain and sadness...
...I have the knowledge that I am not alone...

I have also gained membership into a community of people that constanly remind me that not all humans are selfish, ego-driven, greedy bastards...

I am rich beyond my wildest dreams.

Res...

[Stoned Scouser]

i couln't hav said it better myself... quite litterally!!! i completely agree with everything u hav just said... these r all the things i hav b'n discussin with my counsellor (however, not with such a good use of the english language lol) i often think that smokin weed has definately opened my mind... far more than the 'average' people i know... in this comunity as u rightly say we r not alone!
these past few weeks i hav seriously considered suicide myself as i want to be dead like u sed. but having this ability to open my mind and see the bigger picture has saved my life... b'n able 2 realise how insignificant my life is on a universal scale has kept me going i think!
they say that ignorance is bliss... i dont agree, although things r bad in both of our lives i also am extremely ' glad that i see my life for what it really is .' and i feel sorry for ppl who r sooo wrapped up in their own little world they completely miss whats in front of them... this might b going slight over the top but its almost like we are more evolved human beings (no more arguing over evolution btw lol!)
the situation we r in is most definately a gift an a curse... ur right we should be thankful 4 the 'good thing'... i know 4 a fact the only reason i write songs is because i am able to think far more deeply than 'normal' ppl... and learn to deal with the 'depressive thing'... i.e the weight we carry round with us about the 'injustice' in this 'fucked up world'!
U really should consider writin a book or something yano res ur understanding of life and the way u can express it into words is unreal... i hav the same thoughts but can only put them 2 music... thats probably y u wont understand any of this msg lol

michael

[RESiNATE]

You shouldn't sell yourself so short, Scouser..you make perfect sense.

I use 'poetry' to examine myself and my world, whereas you use lyrics - same thing, except mine might be a dialogue over the top of a tune, and yours would be the essence of a tune.

I have often thought about writing a book, but I wouldn't know where to start.
You see, I'm the sort of person that adds to a discussion - I hear what others say, think about it, then offer an opinion based on my experiences and understandings.

Plus, I am learning all the time...my perceptions change, my ideals reform, and new-found knowledge opens more avenues.

A wise man doesn't know it all - answers ask more questions.

A sample of darkness...

What Happened To My Dreams?


When I was a child, I used to dream that I could fly.
I would run as fast as I could, jump forward with my arms outstretched, and soar upwards into the sky. The wind would rush into my face, as I flew alongside migrating swans; in awe of their beauty and humbled by their presence. Sometimes I would dance amongst the chimneys, ducking and swooping like a mad thing, revelling in my exhilaration. Mostly I would chase the sun, flitting through clouds leaving the oncoming darkness far behind.

I am older now, and can no longer fly.
My feet are made of lead, each step harder to take than the last. My body weighted down with sadness and pain, as I trudge wearily along the torturous corridor of life. I look to the menacing dark skies above, searching in vain for the blue skies of my youth.
Where are my wings?
How can I escape this nightmare world?

When I was a child, I used to dream that I was a hero.
I would don my special outfit, and march purposefully into the jaws of danger. Nothing could stop me in my quest to defend the oppressed and weak. I would use my powers against the evil ones, and stand resolute before the monsters that sought to harm me. The people would revere me, chanting my name from the highest peaks; "Our hero!" they would cry. No one could hurt me now - I was invincible.

I am older now, and have lost the will to fight.
My powers have faded to nothing, and weakness overwhelms me. The monsters chase me, and the evil ones laugh mockingly at me. I flee their haunting sounds and threats of harm, stumbling forwards blinded by tears of fear. I look for the source of strength, searching in vain for my fighting spirit.
Where is my hero?
Who can save me from this nightmare world?

When I was a child, I used to dream that I was a healer of spirit.
I would glide amongst the sad and forlorn, and raise their spirits with a touch, a word, or an understanding nod. The troubles of the world would disappear, as I spread my words of hope and promise. The people would know me as a friend.

I am older now, and my spirit has died.
The promises I thought were true, are but more lies that reveal the true nature of life. My world is one of trouble and sadness, and words can no longer save me. I look for the answers to my questions, searching in vain for understanding.
Where is my spiritual light?
Who can soothe my nightmare wounds?

When I was a child, I used to dream of being older.
I am older now, and search in vain for my childish dreams.

[Stoned Scouser]

hav u thought about a book of of correspondants almost like what these threads r that wud b interestin... wait hold on! did u write ' What happened to my dreams? '

[RESiNATE]

Yeah, I wrote it.....dark times, dude

And full-moons lol

It's all kinda dark...it gets worse...want some more?

[Stoned Scouser]

that is some seriously deep shit man... i'v always been a fan of poetry just recently i'v been readin a book written by one my mum's terminally ill patients ... its called ' Infinity In My Own Body ' she's only 17 man and is dyin of cystic fibrosis, when she was a kid her step father abused her and her mum never believed it and her best friend who also had CF commited suicide as she could not take the pain... i had a hard time just readin it... all the money she makes from the book is goin towards CF aswel... shes a real inspiration!

[Stoned Scouser]

definatly want more! u hav a serious talent man... fuck writin a book, i thought that it was just some poetry u liked at first... its fuckin amazin dude!