Thank you BG, I am glad to hear it can be done, i know it will be hard. I dont yet know how to put aside my resentment and anger at him, but if any good thing came from my parents divorce it was seeing what not to do so that is somewhere to start.

They're happier in two separate households now, but I'm not sure the same thing can be said of the kids.

yeah, that's what I worry about. I can already tell that my daughter is going to be a handful as a teen and I don't want anything helping her along a bad path. I just want her to be happy and feel loved even if I have to be miserable for a few years. It goes so fast anyway.

I doubt he will go to any counseling with me or alone, despite my urging. I've tried to be as supportive of him as I can, and he just wants to wallow and blame me for a lot of it. Not that I'm a saint by any stretch of the imagination. I'm just more optimistic I guess and he's the Eeyore. I hope he will get help and turn this around, but then I fear I will always think he is waiting for dd to be grown and then he will leave. and I'll be 10 yrs older and feel even dumber than I do now. gag.
Thanks for caring, BG <3