Well...if you insist.

I'm usually the one giving advice on relationships, but obviously I wasn't taking my own advice. If I had been, I would've ended things a lot sooner with her. After 2 years of on and off "relations" I finally threw in the towel on Tuesday. I still love her, but I had to end things because I was not accepting the fact that we just weren't compatible...we were toxic together. The thing that sucks so bad about this is that we both love one another, without a doubt. It's just that we are not compatible. It's like two positively charged magnets who want to be together, but can't.

I'm really bummed about this and just wanted to get it off my chest. I knew this day would come, but was delaying the inevitable. Now that it's here, I have to deal with it and I'm not too happy about it. I could always reach out to her and try to work things out, but I know deep down that it never will. It's hard to keep myself from reaching out to her. I know it's only been a few days, but numerous times I've had to stop myself from calling, emailing, texting...

We are compatible in many ways, which is why we were able to get so far into a relationship. But, (and this is my opinion alone, doesn't make it true or right) there are 2 main things that I feel compatability comes into play with. The first one is that persons interests, hobbies, likes dislikes etc. The second is her personality, how she handles situations, is she realistic or emotional, is she open or closed to accepting other perspectives. With my ex, we were highly compatible in the first sense. But when it came to the second we never could see eye to eye. She is VERY emotional and reacts off of her emotions. I am an emotional person too, but I don't react off of them (with few exceptions) and like to analyze things from a realistic and logic perspective. Therefor, when we would argue, our perspectives were completely different. Not that that in itself is a bad thing, but what made it impossible to deal with was her stubbornness. She would dig her feet in and would absolutely be unwilling to see anything other than her own perspective. I tried on many different occassions to talk her through this, very carefully, without any hostility or nastiness and it would always end up turning into an argument rather than a discussion.

The only thing that really bugs me now is that if she really cared about me as much as I know she "could" then she would take down the wall she has build from all of the trials and tribulations from her childhood and past. She had a fawked up childhood and as much as I empathize with her on that, there comes a time when you have to grow up from that stuff and stop letting it affect yourself as a person. She won't even admit she has issues, which is a BIG red flag to me. God damn stubborness!!!!!

I tried to work with her on the things she doesn't like about me and my dislikes with her. But when it came to sink or swim...well look where I'm at now. I did what she needed, she couldn't give me what I needed...stability and openness. Now it's just a matter of accepting the way things are which is really hard to do. I'm not looking forward to this...

Thanks for listening to my ramblings