It seems to me like you have absolutely no confidence in yourself anymore. You're lacking self esteem. It's actually frustrating to read this and know you're probably still with him. For God's sake DUMP HIM! Are you afraid of him? You're obviously petrified of something. You have these thoughs that the breakup will be bad.. It's completely the opposite, it will be great for you. I advise you tell this dickhead off before you dump him, but reading this thread, you don't seem strong enough to do what you KNOW you have to do.