has anyone had to deal with the loss of a loved one?

[jamstigator]

Lost my mother when I was 12 when she died in a car crash driving drunk, with me in the car. Sadly, had she listened to me when I told her she was too drunk to drive, she might have lived. Selfish me, realizing how drunk she was, and unable to convince her to pull over, and unable to figure out a safe way to assume control from a drunk and resisting person while going 65 mph, climbed into the back seat, prayed she wouldn't crash us, and survived when she did crash us into a telephone pole. She died instantly.

Lost my father when I was 5. But he didn't die. What happened was, he and my mom decided to get divorced, they separated, and my dad brought in another woman with six kids of her own. They were mean kids too, almost killed me by locking me in a toy chest during the summer, came awfully close to suffocating. After that, I said I wanted to live with my mom, and so I went to stay with her. Since that time, 1969 I guess, I've seen my father maybe four times. So far as I know, he's still alive, but he wasn't much of a father: he never tried to see me, he declared me a dependent even after I was no longer living with him, he never paid child support or alimony (and as a consequence we went hungry a lot - I weighed about 95 pounds at age 17, at 5'10" height).

I've lost other family members as well (grandma, brother-in-law, stepfather), but none that really had such profound effects as those caused by my losing my father (because of his choice) and then my mother (because she wouldn't listen to me that night about her inability to drive).

But all-in-all, it's kinda like they say: the finest swords are forged in the hottest fires. I just look at the the various hard times I've had to endure as things that make me a stronger person, and hard times have made me, if nothing else, a capable survivor of hard times.

[trynagethigh]

I feel everybodys pain here as I lost my entire family 4 years ago to murder. Yes I do bottle a lot of the pain up and like Slip said when it explodes it aint pretty. Feelings of guilt, yes to an extent. I feel guilty because I know if I would have been there this wouldnt have happened and I somehow blame myself for that.

True enough whatever doesnt kill you definitely makes you stronger but sometimes it makes you a hell of a lot harder too, even a more colder person as my experience has done me. Coping with loss is different for everybody and everybody has to find their own way of doing it. For some its to respond angrily all the time, for some its to just put it in the back of your mind. Point being you gotta deal with it sooner or later.

As far as music goes, yes the one song that really gets my blood boiling and into tears is Duran Duran's Hungry like the wolf. The song sends me into a complete outrage and i have to change the song as soon as possible. Its wierd how shit like a song can do that to you and have that kind of effect on you. Just keep steppin people and take one day at a time.

[Spoken Word]

i know theres a few people on here, that have lost very close family members... but i was just wonder how everyone has delt with the loss of those family members and friends....


for me... i basicaly started using alot of drugs and alcohal, to cope with loosing my grandpa, who made me the man i am today...

and started using more drugs when my cusian/aunt(we consider he our aunt because of her age, and also because of how close i am to her sons, her oldest one in perticular...)

but loosing my grandpa who basicaly raised me from birth... we lived with him, befor my parents got their own house... and even after we moved, my grandma and grandpa moved 2 houses away from were we lived at... and basicaly he would watch me and my siblings everyday while our parents were at work... and even after we started school... he would watch us, and when i needed a ride some place, he would give me a ride... or when i got kicked off the bus for good... he would wake up and give me a ride to and from school every day... he tought me everything i needed to know in my life(he wasnt good with schooling... but he knew how to drive trucks... how to fish... how to work on cars and trucks... how to weld... and how fix small motors..) and he tought me everything except how to weld... he tought me how to run the chain saws... how to mow a lawn and make it look nice... tought me how to drive... tought me how to gut a fish... tought me how to dress so i would look good... tought me how to cut my hair... hell he even tought me how to fucking pee....

he was a good man...

(sorry... i just needed to say somethings that i felt like saying...)

EDIT::: i also just relised why i wear white shirts all the time... and its because my grandpa wore alot of white shirts...(except he wore V-neck shirts with pockets over the left pecktorial muscle....) and i guess i just want to be as much like him as i can be...

People comment here with sincere replies. but honestly, you just made me shed a tear..
just the thought of how important he is to you....i can relate 100%

my grandfather is also my savior and role-model.

im currently in a very good relationship with my grandfather...and our history, if not exactly, is kind of like yours.
I have never dealt with death though. my family's very young.
I couldn't imagine losing my grandparents...it would just be too hard of a blow.. but i have to shake it off, cause one day.. it will happen.....it's life..or should i say, death.

my condolences... i really cannot say anything else.. i don't know how fresh the death is but i think with time, the heartache heals itself.

what's great is that we have so many fond memories of our grandparents. that's gold.

keep your head up man, and if you are like me... ALWAYS remember the things he taught you. hopefully (i feel a knot in my throat ) one day we can be honerable and honest men, just like them.

[Chronisseur]

People comment here with sincere replies. but honestly, you just made me shed a tear..
just the thought of how important he is to you....i can relate 100%

my grandfather is also my savior and role-model.

im currently in a very good relationship with my grandfather...and our history, if not exactly, is kind of like yours.
I have never dealt with death though. my family's very young.
I couldn't imagine losing my grandparents...it would just be too hard of a blow.. but i have to shake it off, cause one day.. it will happen.....it's life..or should i say, death.

my condolences... i really cannot say anything else.. i don't know how fresh the death is but i think with time, the heartache heals itself.

what's great is that we have so many fond memories of our grandparents. that's gold.

keep your head up man, and if you are like me... ALWAYS remember the things he taught you. hopefully (i feel a knot in my throat ) one day we can be honerable and honest men, just like them.

It's amazing how much the two of these posts are relevent to me. It's almost like I could have written them MYSELF, had I been born 1 millisceond later:wtf:
Basically my deal is I lost my Grandma to cancer 2 years ago. Her and my Grandpa pretty much raised me, helped me and loved me more than anything or anyone in the world.
(This is tough, huh?)
I believe my Grandma's watching over my Grandpa and I, from a MUCH better place, and all I can do is continue to make them BOTH proud by being the man they taught me to be

My heart go's out to EVERYBODY who's lost SOMEBODY!

[alienhed420]

I had a friend die this summer. It was under unusual circumstances. He was found hangin on a tetherball poll. but there was no note so the cops said it was an accident. I want to believe it was an accident but i don't know. I miss him and have been talking to the family. Whatever happened, i still love and miss him. I hope hes in a better place

[TheDefiler]

Damn man....no wonder u guys smoke weed!

[partyguy420]

I believe my Grandma's watching over my Grandpa and I, from a MUCH better place, and all I can do is continue to make them BOTH proud by being the man they taught me to be

My heart go's out to EVERYBODY who's lost SOMEBODY!

thats one of the major reasons why i quit using the things i was using... is because of something a very nice, very wise, and very wise old man told me(this guy was my grandpas best friend, and the guy lived about 5 houses away from my grandpa, and 7 houses away from my moms...) so after my grandpas death, i spent alot of time around lenord, because of how close him and my grandpa were, and the fact that, he treats me like one of his own kids, or grandkids...(in some ways, better then his own kids)

but he told me, "you know your grandpa is sitting in heaven right now, watching everything you do, and you know your grandpa dosent want you in jail or in drug treatment, or running around doing drugs. or drinking alcohal''

and thats one of the major reasons why ive quit using the things i was using cause personaly, i dont really care about jail, or treatment, or what i was putting in my body... but what would my grandpa would have told me if he was still here today... he would have cried... and in my intire life, i have never seen this man cry.... infact, i really want to quit smoking, and have tried my best to quit, because one of the possible ways he died was due to smoking ciggerets.... he quit after smokeing since he was about 10 years old.. i dont rember how long he smoked... but he smoked until about 1997 or 1998 i belive....

but the whole reason why i posted this thread was because i have alot of stuff to get off my sholeders.... and dont kave anyone i can really trust to talk to at the moment.... except for my mom, and i dont want to bother her with talking about my grandpa, because she cared for him as much as i do, because he always gave her a sholder to cry on... like after her divorce from my dad, he was there for her... and he even tried to help them work their problems out.... and after my mom, had just started buying a car, she lost her job, he was there for her, and then because she couldnt find a job, doing what she was originaly doing(this was during the time of the whole Enron bull shit and the major stock market crash when GWB got in office and all the big companys were laying off alot of workers) she had to settle for the only other thing she knew how to do(house cleaning) and doing house keeping she spent more time driving then she did actualy working... so between loosing her job living on unemployment, and then getting a new job, she ended up in debt, and then after she got her new job, she was only making around 11 dollars an hour starting out, she eventualy got a raise to around 15 dollars a hour, and since dad wasnt paying child saport, she ended up in even more debt, and lost her car..... and the whole time this was happening, my grandpa was there for her....

so i try not to talk about him around her to much cause i HATE seeing my mom cry.....

my grandpa was the glue that held the entire family together.... now that hes gone, theres no thanks giving dinner at grandmas house, no chirstmas dinner at their house.... i mean after he first died, we had one last family thanksgiving get together.... and one chirstmas.... but it was basicly, crying over the loss.... and then when we werent fighting... some one was accusing another person of another thiing.... or some one else of doing something... BLAH BLAH BLAH... i know who stole all of his stuff(that was all left to me) and it was his son, who only god knows what he did with it... but there was thousands of dollars worth of tools.... that were sapost to be mine when he passed away... that his second oldest son drove off with.... they were tools he left me, to help me out when i needed them, to help my family out when they needed things to be fixed, he also gave them to me, because he knew how much i loved working or cars, bikes trucks... and just motors all around....


god damn it... im bored today... and just typing everything in my head.....

[partyguy420]

and i feel bad for everyone who has lost a loved one.... its hard... and sometimes we dont deal with it in the right ways... but we will learn how to do it correctly someday... and we will learn how to rember the person, but not hurt when we think of them... some day... i hope....

[slipknotpsycho]

god damn it... im bored today... and just typing everything in my head.....

that's probably not a bad thing, you are after all sober... probably got alot of shit on your mind... one of the best things you can do when trying to go sober is express your mind and just babble on... as it helps keep your mind off wanting to get fucked up...

so go ahead, ramble away

and i'm also not too confident i will ever learn to deal with it... my brother was my best friend, my protector (litearlly, i've never been a fighter, but with him around i never had to worry about shit, if someone even looked at me wrong, well it was like trying to hold a full grown pit bull back...) and of course, my brother.

nothing can replace him, nothing can make me forget him, nothing can make me let go of him, nothing can make me get over him.... other then my wife he was the only person on earth i have, or ever will trust with my life, or my true feelings...

[BlAzInIt4:20]

My Mother died when i was 15 in a car accident...

I took the drug path also.. it got so bad, i didnt even know who i was anymore. i looked in the mirror and i didnt even know who i was looking at. Read up on the 5 stages of grief.. it helps to know them, so when your going through them you can relize how far you have come.

he's always with you.. and watches over you just make sure to keep his traditions alive. YOU make dinner every year, YOU get the presents, YOU take the action to bring his way of showing love back. People will see how hard you are trying and only have one option which is to help, so each year should get easier and easier for you.

Took me over 3 years to accept the fact that my mother is gone.. And to this day i still have depressing moments. like right now im in this mood were i dont care about anything or anyone. Im driving to fast. im doing drugs, drinking. But i know i will snapp out of it.

Just try to stay posative no matter how hard life becomes.. because once youv fallin down, theirs only one other way.. and thats up..