Heard about your fall at work,
We all know you're faking,
You lazy jerk!

Get well soon!

Sorry you're son failed out of PSU,
We all knew he was a dumb ass,
Why didn't you?

To my son-in-law,
Sorry to hear you lost another job,
Like I've been telling my daughter for years,
She married a worthless slob.

Happy Anniversary, Honey!

After years of bad sex,
No emotional support,
And your constant bickering...

Now you're losing your hair!

Thanks for stealing the best years of my life.