THINGS THAT HALLMARK CARDS DON'T SAY

[Lulu]

My tire was thumping.

I thought it was flat

When I looked at the tire...

I noticed your cat.

Sorry!


Heard your wife left you,

How upset you must be.

But don't fret about it...

She moved in with me.


Looking back over the years

that we've been together,

I can't help but wonder...

"What the hell was I thinking?"


Congratulations on your wedding day!

Too bad no one likes your husband.


How could two people as beautiful as you

Have such an ugly baby?


I've always wanted to have

someone to hold,

someone to love.

After having met you .

I've changed my mind.


I must admit, you brought Religion into my life.

I never believed in Hell until I met you.


As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am...

That you're not here to ruin it for me.


Congratulations on your promotion.

Before you go...

Would you like to take this knife out of my back?

You'll probably need it again.


Happy birthday! You look great for your age.

Almost Lifelike!


When we were together,

you always said you'd die for me.

Now that we've broken up,

I think it's time you kept your promise.


We have been friends for a very long time ..

let's say we stop?


I'm so miserable without you

it's almost like you're here.


Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.

Did you ever find out who the father was?


Your friends and I wanted to do

something special for your birthday.

So we're having you put to sleep.


So your daughter's a hooker,

and it spoiled your day.

Look at the bright side,

it's really good pay

Lulu Reviewed by Lulu on 01-18-2005. THINGS THAT HALLMARK CARDS DON'T SAY My tire was thumping. I thought it was flat When I looked at the tire... I noticed your cat. Sorry! :( Rating: 5

[slipnslide087]

hahahaha....shit start your own chain of card stores, shit like that happens more often than the nice things

[poorman3]

lol. i liked the promotion one best lulu. it has actully happen. thanks.

[maryjanemama]

Lol, Lulu, I thought of 2 more:

Greetings from college,
Hi Grandma!
Hi Grandpa!

Sorry it took me so long,
Couldn't find your address,
It was under my bong

Congratulations on your new STD!
Don't you wish you didn't dump me?

[maryjanemama]

Sorry you got so drunk at the office Christmas party,
You spilled rum and coke all over Marty,

You told ethnic jokes to the Indian guy from shipping,
You told fat jokes to the heavy set girl from book keeping,

You screwed the office hoe Danielle,
Oh well...
I hear they're hiring at Taco Bell!

Congratulations on the approaching wedding of your loose daughter on February two,

When's the baby due?

[maryjanemama]

Happy New Year!

Remember your business trip in late 2003?
Well, I'm the blond from that bar in Tennesee!

It's a boy and I've named him Anthony,
And soon, you'll be hearing from my attorney.

[Legend]

Hahaha. Funny ++

[jones2much]

this is the best thread i've read on this site so far. very funny shit. i would love to see more of these. they are fan-fuckin-tastic!!!! thanks for making me laugh.
im outta smoke, and this lifted my spirits. would have been even funnier if i was stoned. peace.....pls write more.......

[juggalo420]

*good luck in prison
*so you finally cameout of the closet
*happy first abortion

[maryjanemama]

Heard about your fall at work,
We all know you're faking,
You lazy jerk!

Get well soon!

Sorry you're son failed out of PSU,
We all knew he was a dumb ass,
Why didn't you?

To my son-in-law,
Sorry to hear you lost another job,
Like I've been telling my daughter for years,
She married a worthless slob.

Happy Anniversary, Honey!

After years of bad sex,
No emotional support,
And your constant bickering...

Now you're losing your hair!

Thanks for stealing the best years of my life.