I thought that and i said that to him.Since hes told me that every day i look at him i feel sick about what he did to me.Before i found that out he proposed to me i said yes but maybe in a yr or 2 to get married.I gave him the ring back even tho i love it because i dont want it with deception.I just dont know why everyone wants to hurt me and thats why im a fucking nasty bitch or maybe i just dont deserve happiness.Anyways i feel like i wish i was never born and i even told him i think hes fucked my self esteem forever.I havent eaten hardly anything in about 2 weeks i just feel so angry and depressed and confused as to why he would do that to me when he is always going on about me cheating on him.I never have and never will.Im loosing about 2 kilos a day it seems im going down the same path as i went before i got locked up.I have so many things in my head that i cant even tell people about because i know i will have to get help if i tell someone.I wish that i had someone who didnt want to put me in the nut house because of the way i think and just understood me.I really dont want to do something i might regret because yesterday some really crazy things were running around in my head my whole body was shaking i got in the car and just fucking flew that fast screeching out of my street because i had the most abnormal thoughts that i might just kill anyone that knocks at the door.I had to get out because i would have destroyed everything.I went seen my beautiful nephew in hospital and that calmed me down strait away because every time i look at him my life seems so unimportant.Luckily my son was at pre school yesterday.Anyways i really try my hardest to be happy all the time when hes around as i dont want him to be a bad violent man.Im rambling now sorry im gonna go 4 a while i really feel like shit