I really appreciate the responses. They were probably the best ones anyone could have asked for. The whole 'in the closet' thing was beginning to worry me. I don't know how the thought became prevalent in my mind, but it was as if I was being forced to feel something I didn't want to. Anytime someone would joke around about homosexuality, I felt strangely convinced that I was gay because of the way I reacted to the jokes. I believe now I can face the jokes and maybe add a little gay-ness to them myself. It's hard not knowing where you stand in all this. "Can I joke?" "Should I laugh?" "Am I gay?" "Are they gay?" I shaved my head because I was pulling my hair out!

I felt that since I was not totally comfortable with myself, that I may not be totally honest with myself either, and that was the fuel that powered the investigation. And, actually 40oz, the Japanese Samurai felt there was nothing wrong with loving another man, especially out there on the battlefield. And I don't become sexually aroused by men, either...only when I watch football which is totally understandable. When it all boils down, any act of homosexuality could be considered as an act of recreational companionship or it might physically repulse me, like bongman said. In the end though, my emotional needs will demand much more than just friendly sex.