I Passed - Detailed Account (always take TWO bottles of Quick Fix)

[tptb]

Here's my detailed experience:

The fascists that I work for give annual physicals which include drug tests. For the past three years, they've always fallen on the same month, so I knew when to stop smoking in order to pass. They give three days notice. Well, I went on vacation, and when I got back, I opened my work email and it said, ANNUAL PHYSICAL - TOMORROW AT 8:30AM! It was 2 months early and I'd toked up big time on vacation. I almost shit...well actually, I did go straight to the bathroom and shit. They scared the shit out of me. No three day warning this time. Fortunately, I had prepared for this just in case it ever happened. I had two bottles of Quick Fix and a Pineapple Passion Cleanser from Body Clean at home. I decided to use both, just in case I was unable to sub with the Quick Fix for some reason. I decided to take both bottles of Quick Fix with me simply because I sort of remembered the sample cup from last year, and it didn't seem like there was enough to fill it with one bottle of Quick Fix. In the morning, at 7:00, I drank the Body Clean. then I put one bottle of Quick Fix in the microwave for 10 seconds. It didn't register on the thermometer strip. I put it in for another 5 seconds and it registered. I put the heat pad on it with a rubber band and repeated with the second bottle. I put on two pairs of tighty whiteys underwear and put both bottles between the underwears. It felt really bulgey with heat pads on there, but you couldn't really see it. I put on the longest shirt that I had to cover it up. At 7:15 I filled the body clean bottle with water and drank it. Then went to the physical (it takes an hour to get there with traffic). When I arrived, the first thing I did was take a piss, but not much came out. The way it works is that you sit in the waiting room and they call you back for different types of tests like blood (not drug test related) hearing, vision, EKG, etc. The shitty thing was that to go to the bathroom, you have to go out of the waiting room and be buzzed back in each time. I was afraid they'd get suspicious because I kept having to piss really bad. Anyway, they called me to the "drug test room". They made me empty my pockets and put the contents in a locker. Then they gave me a hospital gown and a pair of cloth hospital shoes and sent me to a stall instructing me to take off all of my clothes and put the gown on. This is the part that scared the hell out of me because I was afraid they'd notice the underwear with the bulge under the gown (I had planned on and practiced putting the Quick Fix in my armpits if there was a substantial bulge...it was do-able). Well, I walked out of the dressing room and was able to hold the ends of the gown together with my right hand like I was modest (these gowns don't seal or tie together) which pulled it away from the bulge area. She gave me the cup and instructed me to wash my hands, then told me I had 4 minutes in the restroom, and that she needed a full cup. The restroom only had a toilet with blue water and a shelf to put the cup on. I went in and poured one bottle of Quick Fix in the cup. It only filled it a little more than halfway (I'M SO GLAD I HAD THE FORESIGHT TO BRING TWO BOTTLES!!!). I poured half of the other bottle in it. Then I took a monster piss (into the toilet, not the cup). I walked out and she read the temp...it was 96*F...WHEW!!! I grabbed the side of the gown again and went back to the dressing room and dressed with the Quick Fix bottles still in my underwear. Then the nurse told me it was time for my EKG and took me straight to the room and told me to take my shirt off and lay on the thing...but the shirt was what I was using to cover the bulge!! I took the shirt off and layed down putting the shirt on my crotch area to cover it up.

I went in for my follow-up today. I took the half bottle of leftover Quick Fix and a fresh one because one of my coworkers had to retake her piss test when she went in for her results because they...get this..."lost her sample". I had extra heating pads. I also drank a Protox Extreme...just in case. I can't leave anything to chance. They probably think I'm weird for wearing the same shirt, but I don't have another one that's long enough. I passed.

Here's what they tested for:

Color
Turbidity
Glucose
Bili
Ketones
pH
Protein
Blood
Urobili
Nitrite
Leukest
Specific Gravity

One thing I learned: WHEN RETURING FROM VACTION BRING THE QUICK FIX, HEATING PADS, AND DETOX DRINK WITH ME TO WORK ON THE FIRST DAY BACK. THEY COULD HAVE SENT ME THE DAY I GOT BACK AND I WOULD'VE BEEN SCREWED BIG TIME.

tptb Reviewed by tptb on 08-09-2007. I Passed - Detailed Account (always take TWO bottles of Quick Fix) Here's my detailed experience: The fascists that I work for give annual physicals which include drug tests. For the past three years, they've always fallen on the same month, so I knew when to stop smoking in order to pass. They give three days notice. Well, I went on vacation, and when I got back, I opened my work email and it said, ANNUAL PHYSICAL - TOMORROW AT 8:30AM! It was 2 months early and I'd toked up big time on vacation. I almost shit...well actually, I did go straight to the Rating: 5

[FakeBoobsRule]

If you are taking a drug test for employment without a physical, this is not part of the test:

Turbidity
Glucose
Bili
Ketones
Protein
Blood
Urobili
Nitrite
Leukest

(As long as you don't hand them green, black, or blue or some other odd color, urine color doesn't matter.)

Drug tests will only test your urine for pH, specific gravity, creatinine clearance, additives, and the presence of drug metabolites. Second, a lot of times the collector will ask for more urine than is required. If you are taking an employment test without a physical, you do not need 2 bottles of Quick Fix. You need 60 cc's or ml's at the most and that is what comes in a bottle of Quick Fix. If you give 60 cc's and the collector gives you grief about it, insist that they try to fill the vials with what you gave them. If you have given them 60 cc's and they refuse to use it, they have to write why they rejected the sample on the form. If they are dense enough to reject it, they will have to write that they rejected 60 cc's and when the MRO sees this, he will know the collector didn't follow protocol but I doubt it will go this far. I have substituted many times and only once has a collector tried to get more than 60 cc's from me. She wanted about 3 times that and I didn't panic. I went in and poured what I had. When I came out she tried to mess with me asking me why I didn't fill it to the line and this that and the other but I wouldn't let her win. I told her she had plenty there and to ask for that much was ridiculous. Of course she had to accept the sample and it was no problem.

[Blindman0v0]

Great post.Good to see you made it.

[mugen]

I used quick fix 3 days ago :P Its harder than u think to hide. I ended up duck-taping it to my leg. lol

[Iguana]

Good news for you. Hope I get some! But I'm not expecting it......