i neeed feedback on this...

[ghosty]

hey all, so lately ive decided that i wanna start making an effort at writing lyrics again after spending a great deal of time making instrumental only music... I've begun to piece together some unfinished lines i had and began to make a rough concept of a song about a guy going crazy while searching for the questions to life... it's still really rough and im sure it will change greatly by the time im done, but im really curious to what people think so far... it doesnt have a title yet either.

Somewhere in the backstreets of nowehere a man sits with his head in his hands
Slowly losing his grip on the same reality he struggles to understand,
He wonders how some people could love to kill, while others would kill just for love
Wonâ??t fold his hands and pray for answers, because he questions the powers above
So instead he walks around with a chip on his shoulders
Storms through the glass houses, while throwing boulders
Until the walls come crashing down, and the air is getting cold
If only he could remember the advice that heâ??d been told,
His society is a cancer that grows like mold,
Where value is based on how much money you fold
Name the right price to buy a soul, and itâ??s sold
run by the rich, and the rest controlled.

With his mind on the world, and itâ??s weight on his back
The chip starts to grow and turn into a crack
Real men donâ??t cry they just scream on the inside
until the shit builds up and gets too hard to hide
starts to show on the surface, noticeable in the eyes
canâ??t seem to stop it, but in vain he tries
Jack be nimble and jack be quick
Cause the shit hit the fan and itâ??s flying real thick
And itâ??s hard to find a way to regain control,
When you gotta keep finding new ways to fill that that hole
And when that day comes, donâ??t kid yourself it will
When the solutions canâ??t be found in that little pill
Will you be able to dig into the ice, and keep your chill
Or will you shatter under the surface and succumb to the ill?

And itâ??s not hard to imagine on a warm summer day
The men in white coats will come and take him away
To an institution where forever heâ??ll stay as
another lost mind thatâ??s drifted astray
Strapped down to a table in the hell of a home
While 20 different doctors try to analyze his dome
Standing around him theyâ??ll debate and theyâ??ll shout
Cause no matter how they try, they just cant figure him out
So itâ??s back in the cell and back in the jacket
Bouncing of the walls to clear his mind of the racket
Hoping one day theyâ??ll release him from his stall
So he can run screaminâ?? â??freedom up and down the hallâ?�


that's where it's at for now, but even looking at it now i can see where it needs expanding on ideas and revisions

ghosty Reviewed by ghosty on 08-05-2007. i neeed feedback on this... hey all, so lately ive decided that i wanna start making an effort at writing lyrics again after spending a great deal of time making instrumental only music... I've begun to piece together some unfinished lines i had and began to make a rough concept of a song about a guy going crazy while searching for the questions to life... it's still really rough and im sure it will change greatly by the time im done, but im really curious to what people think so far... it doesnt have a title yet either. Rating: 5

[Blitzed]

Sounds good ghosty, I wish i had some artistic talent. I can roll a straighter line then I can draw, and Im not very creative.

[ChronicJoint]

damn thats good.

my favorite part is where it says

Jack be nimble and jack be quick
Cause the shit hit the fan and itâ??s flying real thick