Yikes, I didn't expect this thread to go on this long! Thanks a million! A lot of the stuff you've suggested I've actually tried in the past 24 hours, so that's great. Laundry list of stuff that helped since my last post:

- It turns out that I forgot/didn't need to masturbate for over a week. After a week orgasms are something else entirely.
- I did something nice for someone. Actually, I took one of the mentally challenged guys I work with for a bike ride. He talks nonstop so the girls who normally work with him needed a break. It was seriously way more fun than smoking a bowl - he just babbled on about the same things over and over, and as annoying as it can probably get I had a real blast. I haven't laughed that hard in a long time.
- I did pushups and core strengthening. I've been taking it easy the past few weeks, and the endorphins were very welcome.
- I picked up a book on Tai Chi immediately after the last sentence, as my library was closing soon. :thumbsup:
- The smoker's benches were full for coffee break, so I got to sit close to one of the wonderful women I work with. We were just close, nothing erotic or anything, but that relaxed physical contact does wonders. Now that I think of it, nobody had touched me at all for the previous three months or so. That could be a problem. Oh, and I don't smoke cigs, I just prefer the company of the smokers to the non-smokers.
- Chilled with my dog. She's cool.

Cannabis Campbell: Where is the stress coming from? I don't know - I feel like I'm physically tired, but I have all this emotional energy pent up inside. I need a release point. My mum tends to be busy with her boyfriend and all my friends have moved away or are much too busy with work, so the only two, er, people I can talk to at the moment are myself and my dog.

But there is a lot happening. I'm moving to a townhouse with some friends soon, it's my birthday today and I hate birthdays, I have to get ready for university, I have to get used to city living having been a small-town boy all my life, my mum's boyfriend is moving into this house around the same time that I'm moving out... a whole bunch of big stuff, and a lot of small stuff that doesn't bear mentioning. Having laid that all out, I'm not surprised I'm wound up like a spring.

As far as ambition goes, I've never really had any. I don't like to point fingers at other people for my faults, but my dad was a pretty machine-like uncaring father figure. After my parents separated I had to spend six years deprogramming myself from his way of thinking - in fact, sometimes I'm still finding problems and having to crop them out. One of these problems is that I usually can't take pride in anything I do. If I do a great job, I just brush it off as being "satisfactory" and move on to the next thing, but if I screw up I damn myself for it way too much. And I guess because of this I can't really apply myself to anything I do - it's just not worth the effort anymore. I'm working on fixing this, and I have had a lot of help from some really wonderful people.

I've never really known what I want to do for the future - I don't have any goals, I just would like to be happy. Setting up a medical grow op really appeals to me, but unfortunately the law is against me for now (unless Manitoba changed its views drastically in the last little while without my knowing), so that will have to wait until the risks are lower.

GraziLovesMary: Lots of good advice, thank you - I will be looking into Tai Chi as much as possible in the next little while. It looks rather complex to me at first glance, but hopefully the more I study the better I'll understand and remember.

huh: I do. I also rock it commando-style all day, it's much more comfortable to me, especially in the summer heat.

birdgirl and Matt The Funk: Good advice backing up good advice.

HighTillIDie: I know what you mean about doing things that make you feel sexy. I find that taking a shower, shaving, giving myself a buzz cut, etc. always makes me feel better, even if it's just for the distraction. I've noticed a wierd anti-Samson complex - the longer my hair, the shorter my fuse is. Keeping it short keeps me cool and feeling good.

KingsBlend420: I only drink at weddings and Christmas, since I don't usually like the taste or feel of it, and I know it's bad for me. Video games do make for a great distraction, I've been busting out my old Game Boy and N64 games and going through them again.

Grade A: I ran out of multivitamins last week, but I didn't take them regularly. The only regular vitamin I take is half a tab of B-75, so I guess that makes it B-37.5. And yes, a full breakfast makes for a good day I've found - I just need to wake up earlier so that I'm hungry enough to eat it!


Anyhow, this post was something like three hours, off and on, in the making. I had a great educational discussion about my marijuana use with my mum and her boyfriend partway through, and now I need to go pack. Peace, friends, and thanks for all your suggestions once again.