Speculating the importance of compatible personalities

[Ganj]

If you want to save yourself from a lot of heartache, then find the one who is perfect for you. Seems obvious enough, right? Apparently I'm a dumbass. I have a question for those in a functional, generally good relationship, and that is:

Do you learn anything about yourself from someone who is perfect for you? I'm a firm believer that misery provokes the instinct to learn. How can you learn anything if you're blinded by love? And how can you love if you're always miserable?

We all have someone in our lives that brings out the worst in us. That person makes us absolutely miserable until we evolve beyond the need for that. Ultimately, you'll leave the person to embark on your new adventure. Is that when you find the right person? Or find a different person who teaches you something different about yourself (makes you miserable for different reasons)? There's no way of knowing what is in store for our future.

I hear it all the time. Couples who have broken apart because they realize they're not right for each other. There's no way they could have prevented that. But what does it teach us about the relationship at it's beginning? Why did it take two years for one to realize that? Hence the phrase, "a fool in love." Now is a good time to point out that the phrase should have ended at "a fool."

And if we are merely fools in the game of love, then misery is inevitable, and so is learning. Why can't we see the obvious? What is the ultimate goal of our unconscious mind I wonder? I believe it's goal is to make the information conscious. It's goal is to make the information tangible by the cruelest means, hence drama.

And no one knows why we perpetually choose the wrong people. Could it be that we simply do not want to be alone in life? We could save ourselves and others from much heartache if we did not desire companionship. The most selfless act one can make is giving up on love.

Ganj Reviewed by Ganj on 07-29-2007. Speculating the importance of compatible personalities If you want to save yourself from a lot of heartache, then find the one who is perfect for you. Seems obvious enough, right? Apparently I'm a dumbass. I have a question for those in a functional, generally good relationship, and that is: Do you learn anything about yourself from someone who is perfect for you? I'm a firm believer that misery provokes the instinct to learn. How can you learn anything if you're blinded by love? And how can you love if you're always miserable? We all have Rating: 5

[Veratyr Star]

Wow

That was deep

[Ganj]

I just realized you get a great deal by giving up on love. You remain miserably alone and you constantly learn, and all is done without hurting a soul but your own. I would give up on love if I didn't still think there was someone out there I could save from the pain of loneliness or someone that could save me. All this talk about liberating suffering makes me want to start a relationship with God. At least that way I'd be saving myself from eternal damnation. Whoa! Eternal suffering is life without God. Eternity is a lifetime. A lifetime of misery is hell on Earth. Damn the word of God for being so equivocal! But perhaps that's the lesson of the bible? To direct you towards love and freedom of suffering, they just call it God. What is to be said about one who perpetuates misery throughout their lifetime? Is he/she incapable of loving? Maybe I will attend the sermon today, if it will teach me to love. I don't want to be alone forever. Although the prospect of reaching genius through a lifetime of misery is enticing (I must be crazy), I realize that my misery will permeate into those around me and make them aware of their own misery. I fear if I continue along this path, all those I encounter will merely learn to grow away from me.

[Ganj]

If that were true though, then according the bible I would be the enemy of love! My god! I really am doomed to obscurity! My puritanical ways wont permit me to bow before anyone else. Am I the "devil?" Am I responsible for the crucification of purity? I believe the bigger question here is whether I feel any remorse for being the poison of goodness. And I don't.

[Ganj]

I realize now why I don't get many replies. My rigid belief system doesn't apply to many people, and also doesn't allow for many to speculate on my issues. You either agree or disagree, right? It isn't open for discussion. I'll try to be considerate of that in future posts. Then again, I'm hardly ever in the position to take advice from anyone, for my beliefs are firm, so I generally know what direction I should take. I wonder if I'm even capable of reaching people? I don't want to be admired, if it means that no one will challenge me. Is there someone out there similar to me who has succeeded in overcoming their social stigma by means other than preaching?

[invision]

some people just dont click and can take years before you realize no matter how much you love that person it just isnt going to happen, nor will it ever happen.

my girlfriend and I have been together for 5yrs now and we had lots of great and bad times but its all in how both of you take things together and as a single person, we have lots of things in common which helps greatly in the beginning but its who you are in the end the is the most important.

maybe that person you were with didnt know who they were inside and couldnt understand why someone would love someone like that, people are weird when it comes to relationships and dont always think how the other person will feel or even how they feel when something goes wrong.

i luckily have a great relationship but it was hard to build it to where it is now, my past relationships were horrible and took a long time to figure out lots of things about myself and what i wanted out of a relationship and that other person as a whole, takes time and alot of hurt feelings sometimes to be a better person.

[LuckyG]

I realize now why I don't get many replies. My rigid belief system doesn't apply to many people, and also doesn't allow for many to speculate on my issues. You either agree or disagree, right? It isn't open for discussion. I'll try to be considerate of that in future posts. Then again, I'm hardly ever in the position to take advice from anyone, for my beliefs are firm, so I generally know what direction I should take. I wonder if I'm even capable of reaching people? I don't want to be admired, if it means that no one will challenge me. Is there someone out there similar to me who has succeeded in overcoming their social stigma by means other than preaching?

I don't know, there is a lot to tackle in this thread. Part of me wants to tell you to get some sleep, and feel better in the morning, but the depth in which you've probed the situation makes it seem to me that this is one of the first things that come to mind when you wake up. I think you're overthinking things.

I think your "major malfunction" might be that you don't really know who you are and what you want, as invision said. It took six months of isolation, without any distractions or any of my old so-called friends to back me up or talk to, in order to figure out who I was and what I wanted. I did have some help from some wonderful, wise and experienced co-workers (all women who have been there and done that so to speak) and I learned not from experience but from observation, slowly unravelling admirable qualities and actions from their stories and behavior. I was lucky in this regard - not a lot of people will be subject to this specific set of limitations and options.

I believe that to deny emotion is to deny life. Love, happiness, anger, despair, fear, hope - these are the suns that illuminate the world of our soul. They're part of the experience of living.

I think that any two people can come together and have a successful relationship. They just need to want to work at it. From what I've learned, compromise and generosity are the most important things to have. If a relationship doesn't work out, it's likely one person or the other is missing one of these things.

Probably one of the most important things I've ever been told was from a much older mentor of mine. She told me that people come into our lives for a reason, and when they've done what they're supposed to do, they fade out of the picture. So many people try to hold onto friendships they had in school or ex-lovers, when it's really kind of pointless - they impacted your life, now both of you should move on as you have very little left to give them at this point. You can only learn so much from one person.

Thinking like this, you're never really choosing the "wrong people". You choose the right people, learn and experience with them, and then move on. I'm a firm believer in monogamy, but I also doubt that any relationships I have will last longer than a few years - it's inevitable that the conversation will stagnate, the interest will wane, and the sex will become boring. However, I'd love to be proven wrong. :thumbsup:

Hopefully I've given you something to think about - I have the feeling I just kind of rambled off on my own tangent though. Ah well. Stay mellow, and don't worry about it. Life will happen already. :thumbsup:

[Ganj]

I've been accused of over-thinking things before. I have a lot of time on my hands and not much experience. I don't know who I am. I've been isolated for years now, rarely would I meet up with friends because I dread every moment with them. All I wanted to do was get away. I could just be over-thinking it all, and not really exposing my true self due to the distraction of thought. I almost feel like I am totally capable of enjoying life, now it's just a matter of taking the first step back into the world. I'm still a bit timid because I don't know who I am, consequently I don't know what I want from the world. I know that because whenever I choose to pursue something, it seems like I'm forced to turn my back on it. I can't blame the world for my inability to cope. And it's that dysfunction that is responsible for the growing indifference. I have no courage and often find myself shying away from what I desire.

[Ganj]

BTW I can go in to more detail if needed, I am just giving you a general answer.

Do you learn anything about yourself from someone who is perfect for you? I'm a firm believer that misery provokes the instinct to learn. How can you learn anything if you're blinded by love? And how can you love if you're always miserable?

1) Through good relationships you can learn what to do/or expect
2) Bad relationships teach you what to avoid and stay away from. Also to see early signs and not let yourself get too deep too quickly
3) If you are blinded by love you wouldn't be with someone who is perfect for you. In a healthy relationship you know perfectly well all your partner's flaws, you just don't care xD sometimes you even think they are cute 6^
4) If you love when you are misereble THAT is when you are blinded by love.

We all have someone in our lives that brings out the worst in us. That person makes us absolutely miserable until we evolve beyond the need for that. Ultimately, you'll leave the person to embark on your new adventure. Is that when you find the right person? Or find a different person who teaches you something different about yourself (makes you miserable for different reasons)? There's no way of knowing what is in store for our future.

No there isn't... but if you embraced your first miserable relationship as a chance to learn, and you took the time to understand WHY you were miserable, you could learn from your mistakes, and the mistakes you may find in a partner to avoid the same consequence. Though it's very difficult for most people make the same mistakes over and over not realizing it.

I hear it all the time. Couples who have broken apart because they realize they're not right for each other. There's no way they could have prevented that. But what does it teach us about the relationship at it's beginning? Why did it take two years for one to realize that? Hence the phrase, "a fool in love." Now is a good time to point out that the phrase should have ended at "a fool."

If you are blinded by love there isn't much you can do. Though like I said, if you prepare yourself then this can be avoided the second time around. I've done it, and anyone else can if they really tried. The first love + blinded by love is almost unavoidable. But from that first break up you can change that.

And no one knows why we perpetually choose the wrong people. Could it be that we simply do not want to be alone in life?

I think we have as much power to choose the wrong people as we do to pick the right ones. And those who fear lonelyness are the ones that pick wrong.

You words are encouraging, Gippie. And a lot of good points too. Thanks for challenging my beliefs. Soon after reading your post, it became apparent to me that I didn't think things out too well. I'm definitely going to roll all of your ideas around in my head and see what I can discover with all of your help.

[idnav]

I'm not really sure what you're trying to say Ganj, you deal in a lot of absolutes with a lot of broad rationalizations.

Either way you're smart and you can probably get anywhere you want in life, don't expect things to fall into your lap without doing legwork though.