I'm awake and can't sleep so thought I'd ramble on for a bit...

I've been on like 3 dates my entire life none of those were anything more than either a meal a movie and some talking. The only sexual contact I've ever had is contained in one 1hour period of my entire life that I got tired of waiting and went to a brothel, but while very enjoyable I just don't have the money to utilize that method.


It's not from a lack of wanting a relationship, or even a lack of trying. I have chased after those which I have really crushed on but there's something about me that prevents anyone from being romantically interested in myself. I know part of it is looks, I'm not an attractive man, I'm very much overweight and just not a "handsome" human specimen, however there is plenty of unattractive people that still find someone to love. So that's not all of the reason I haven't.

Though sometimes I think it may be for the best. I mean I really REALLY would like to have someone there that loved me for being me, someone there that I could be intimate with. But at the same time I very much enjoy my solitude and not having to worry about pleasing any other person. In fact I sometimes really wonder if I want a relationship or if I just want someone available for sexual relations. Personally if I could remove all sexual desire from my being. I would do so. To think of my life in it's current form of likes/dislikes if I could enjoy my life as it is now without the insanely strong desire for sex. I would be one of the happiest people on the planet. Personally I'm getting rather tired of my desire, of my hormones getting the better of me and causing me to develop crushes on various people throughout the years only to ultimately over and over again be disappointed to heartbroken that once again my feelings are one sided.

It's not something that can be just shut off though, so it becomes something that torments me...becomes a primal desire for myself that is never satisfied. It's actually highly frustrating to know that it's pure instinct. The desire to find someone is merely nature at work, it's something that we dont' get by choice, but simply because we live and it's programmed into our minds to find someone and pass on our genes. The irony of instinct/nature making me wanting/yearning to have sex or a relationship yet in reality I/myself don't want to procreate, don't want children. I sometimes feel to be able to look at some attractive person or sexually provactive situations and feel no yearning, no change in emotion in any way would be quite awesome. To simply not care about it would in of itself be just a great a gift as being granted a relationship.
Melkane Reviewed by Melkane on . Rambling: 26 and never been in a relationship. I'm awake and can't sleep so thought I'd ramble on for a bit... I've been on like 3 dates my entire life none of those were anything more than either a meal a movie and some talking. The only sexual contact I've ever had is contained in one 1hour period of my entire life that I got tired of waiting and went to a brothel, but while very enjoyable I just don't have the money to utilize that method. It's not from a lack of wanting a relationship, or even a lack of trying. I have chased Rating: 5