Rambling: 26 and never been in a relationship.

[Melkane]

I'm awake and can't sleep so thought I'd ramble on for a bit...

I've been on like 3 dates my entire life none of those were anything more than either a meal a movie and some talking. The only sexual contact I've ever had is contained in one 1hour period of my entire life that I got tired of waiting and went to a brothel, but while very enjoyable I just don't have the money to utilize that method.


It's not from a lack of wanting a relationship, or even a lack of trying. I have chased after those which I have really crushed on but there's something about me that prevents anyone from being romantically interested in myself. I know part of it is looks, I'm not an attractive man, I'm very much overweight and just not a "handsome" human specimen, however there is plenty of unattractive people that still find someone to love. So that's not all of the reason I haven't.

Though sometimes I think it may be for the best. I mean I really REALLY would like to have someone there that loved me for being me, someone there that I could be intimate with. But at the same time I very much enjoy my solitude and not having to worry about pleasing any other person. In fact I sometimes really wonder if I want a relationship or if I just want someone available for sexual relations. Personally if I could remove all sexual desire from my being. I would do so. To think of my life in it's current form of likes/dislikes if I could enjoy my life as it is now without the insanely strong desire for sex. I would be one of the happiest people on the planet. Personally I'm getting rather tired of my desire, of my hormones getting the better of me and causing me to develop crushes on various people throughout the years only to ultimately over and over again be disappointed to heartbroken that once again my feelings are one sided.

It's not something that can be just shut off though, so it becomes something that torments me...becomes a primal desire for myself that is never satisfied. It's actually highly frustrating to know that it's pure instinct. The desire to find someone is merely nature at work, it's something that we dont' get by choice, but simply because we live and it's programmed into our minds to find someone and pass on our genes. The irony of instinct/nature making me wanting/yearning to have sex or a relationship yet in reality I/myself don't want to procreate, don't want children. I sometimes feel to be able to look at some attractive person or sexually provactive situations and feel no yearning, no change in emotion in any way would be quite awesome. To simply not care about it would in of itself be just a great a gift as being granted a relationship.

Melkane Reviewed by Melkane on 07-29-2007. Rambling: 26 and never been in a relationship. I'm awake and can't sleep so thought I'd ramble on for a bit... I've been on like 3 dates my entire life none of those were anything more than either a meal a movie and some talking. The only sexual contact I've ever had is contained in one 1hour period of my entire life that I got tired of waiting and went to a brothel, but while very enjoyable I just don't have the money to utilize that method. It's not from a lack of wanting a relationship, or even a lack of trying. I have chased Rating: 5

[Breukelen advocaat]

You wrote, "Personally if I could remove all sexual desire from my being I would do so." I felt the same way. Believe me, in time it will become less and less bothersome and some of it will be replaced with other thoughts and pursuits. This is not to say that it's gone, far from it. The mind should continue to mature as we mellow with age, including the sexual part. I learned to channel sexual energy into creative interests. After a while it becomes second-nature.

Although I'd had "relationships" when I was younger, none worked out to anything long-term. This may have had something to do with my total lack of desire for children, and also my hard-headedness. If you live alone, and can handle that lifestyle, you're fortunate. A lot of guys can't do it and get hitched, thinking that they'll be better off. Most are not.

The first thing to understand is that women choose us more than we choose them. When you find one, or rather a woman finds you, and it is the right chemistry, you'll be set. First you have to look around to find her - unless you're incredibly lucky. The sexual fire in the beginning of a relationship always goes down to a flicker, but that's just the nature of the beast. What's more important is the aforementioned chemistry.

I didn't meet the right person to marry until my late 30's, and tied the knot in just under five years, but I'm glad I waited. I stuck to my guns, and found someone that was not going to try to change me. This can happen for you, you just have to be open to it. There's someone perfect out there for most everyone, but the hard part is all the bullshit you have to put up with until it happens.

Just remember that plenty of unhappily-married guys, or guys that were married and are now paying alimony and/or child-support, would trade places with you in a minute.

[thcbongman]

You can always change your looks. If you aren't happy being overweight, hit the gym. Looks only carry you so far anyway. You can be beautiful on the outside, but if on the inside you are ugly, you'll be ugly.

Be the best person you can be. Take those desires and as BA said, find creative outlets for it. It helps mold you as a person.

Also, I really do think you should be exercising to increase your testosterone levels. You'll feel better, and also it'll make your wang bigger from all the fat that's burned off.

Most of all, don't change yourself for anybody. In time it'll come, just as long as you continue to grow yourself as a person, and not choose to stagnate your life.

Good luck!

[rebgirl420]

Ever try online dating sites? Its how I met my fiance.

[locomark]

Melkane,

Your better off seeking a no strings friendship. Less issues and expectations. But what do I know?

Loco

[Ganj]

Granted when you do find someone to be with, Melkane it's going to twist your world upside down. Locomark touched base on it with the issues and expectations that you're probably not used to. Seems like you've dug yourself a hole. Take his advice and find a no strings relationship and if that's not your bag, then enjoy yourself until you find the right woman. Reb did the whole online dating thing and she's happy. Maybe you'll find the woman of your dreams?

[spliffstar22]

Just step your self esteem game up man............You seem to be putting yourself down, at least that's how you come across.......Girls like self esteem, step to them as if you know you're gonna get the #, there's always that 1 snooty bitch that wont give any guy the time of day cause they think they're the shit.....when in actuality their avg.........females want dick, we want pussy, so it's not too hard to get it......... Self Esteem and swagger is the key, just dont be too cocky with it......Do you go to parties and things like that? I think you gotta be holdin back, just step up to the plate, and let your mouth do the rest, it's all about the talks.........

[Melkane]

Well as old as I am, I've heard the pep talks and motivation speeches plenty of times. I found the motivation to quit smoking cigarettes because I really didn't like smoking and I didn't like how it was making me feel. However my weight problems stem from the types of foods I love and the hobbies I enjoy and I'm unwilling to give them up or drastically reduce them. I've never minded being overweight though since I quit smoking my weight skyrocketed upwards and while I'm definitely not happy with my current weight I don't see much I could do about it without changing my whole lifestyle around. I would love to lose about 100lbs. but it most likely never will happen. Besides I've seen plenty of fat guys get women.

The environment in which I would meet a woman is important to me, I don't want a "party girl". I hate parties and large amounts of socializing for the most part. Meeting some girl at party is likely to lead to a bad fit as most likely any woman I meet at said event went there because they like them. In reality the woman I need is going to have to be into the same stuff I am, gaming, movies, tv etc...and it's highly doubtful I'm going to see that woman at a party or at the bar or some place like that.

Also, I really do think you should be exercising to increase your testosterone levels.

What's that intended to mean? :wtf:

I've never really got into online dating, I mean I've just considered them to be big scams for the most part. The few people that say they've had success with them I chalk up to pure luck.

[Spoken Word]

I'm awake and can't sleep so thought I'd ramble on for a bit...

I've been on like 3 dates my entire life none of those were anything more than either a meal a movie and some talking. The only sexual contact I've ever had is contained in one 1hour period of my entire life that I got tired of waiting and went to a brothel, but while very enjoyable I just don't have the money to utilize that method.


It's not from a lack of wanting a relationship, or even a lack of trying. I have chased after those which I have really crushed on but there's something about me that prevents anyone from being romantically interested in myself. I know part of it is looks, I'm not an attractive man, I'm very much overweight and just not a "handsome" human specimen, however there is plenty of unattractive people that still find someone to love. So that's not all of the reason I haven't.

Though sometimes I think it may be for the best. I mean I really REALLY would like to have someone there that loved me for being me, someone there that I could be intimate with. But at the same time I very much enjoy my solitude and not having to worry about pleasing any other person. In fact I sometimes really wonder if I want a relationship or if I just want someone available for sexual relations. Personally if I could remove all sexual desire from my being. I would do so. To think of my life in it's current form of likes/dislikes if I could enjoy my life as it is now without the insanely strong desire for sex. I would be one of the happiest people on the planet. Personally I'm getting rather tired of my desire, of my hormones getting the better of me and causing me to develop crushes on various people throughout the years only to ultimately over and over again be disappointed to heartbroken that once again my feelings are one sided.

It's not something that can be just shut off though, so it becomes something that torments me...becomes a primal desire for myself that is never satisfied. It's actually highly frustrating to know that it's pure instinct. The desire to find someone is merely nature at work, it's something that we dont' get by choice, but simply because we live and it's programmed into our minds to find someone and pass on our genes. The irony of instinct/nature making me wanting/yearning to have sex or a relationship yet in reality I/myself don't want to procreate, don't want children. I sometimes feel to be able to look at some attractive person or sexually provactive situations and feel no yearning, no change in emotion in any way would be quite awesome. To simply not care about it would in of itself be just a great a gift as being granted a relationship.

It's human nature. I think everyone has the chance of meeting someone special. Your looks shouldn't matter if she(or he lol) sees you for what you are, not how you look. I thank my parents for my decent looks but there is a whole lot more to me than my face or body. I would think it's the same with everyone. Just find that person that gives you a chance, be yourself and see what happends. It isn't really useful advice but don't think about it too much. That only leads to obsession. I haven't had a girlfriend or sex in something like a year. If I think about it too much, I start going crazy so I just enjoy life with hopes that one day, I'll have a real relationship.
Most importantly, just try to be happy. I have found that being alone and satisfied with your life helps you find oout more about yourself. and we need that before we start marching into other peoples lives.

[thcbongman]

What's that intended to mean? :wtf:

Girls pick up on testosterone levels. The stronger, the more likely they become infatuated with you if you make a move. You have all this built up sexual frustration and people aren't being receptive to it. That's why you should try to increase it.