Quote Originally Posted by Weedhound
So what is different between this and your depression before? Sure sounds like it to me and clinical depression and myself are VERY old friends. Part of the illness of depression is your mind telling you that THAT IS NOT THE PROBLEM. Is you mind telling you that life is too hard? You aren't worth anything? You don't get joy out of things that used to be what you loved? You're full of fear.....think you're a piece of shit.....and thinking of making it through until tomorrow (when things will be exactly the same as today) is exhausting torture? It's even tiring to get up and walk accross the room.


Which part did I miss?
I see what you're getting at, I recognize those symptoms myself. But more than anything I'm having these little freakouts more and more where I can't stop squirming from the pain and start hitting myself and shit, seems to bring its own type of relief as a sort of distraction. I'm getting frequent anxiety, heavy breathing, random episodes of holding back the tears from frustration.

You're right though, I don't seem to enjoy things much these days, though I still love music and it's the only thing that keeps me sane. I think it's just compounded because I really want to be with this girl and I can tell she wants me to some degree or other, and this muscle pain just keeps reminding me that I can't give her any sort of normal life like partying, bar-hopping, going shopping etc. My mind just keeps telling me that she'll want to get away from it eventually, because I sure as hell do. Frig, and people wonder why I'm an atheist.