My dilemma, band mates, sisters, etc.

[deftdrummer]

Hi all, I have been a long time member of these forums and I only usually post in the cultivation forums.

Recently a strange attraction has kindled between my band mate's sister and myself. I am 23 years old, by buddy (bassist in the band) is also 23 and his little sister is 18 (almost 19)

Now that you have the gist, I will go into depth as to why this is a little tricky. I have been in this band for approximately 4 or 5 months now and it has been pretty serious, playing shows regularly. All of us in the band were just starting to get pretty close and then we had to kick the singer out for drug reasons.

Anyways, we still practice a few times a week and lately the bassist's sister has been coming around and hanging out with what's left of the band and just killing time. She still lives with her parents which is also the place where we all practice.

I knew she had a boyfriend as of a few months ago but no mention of him on myspace anymore and I have since found out that he was thrown in jail. Lately she has been messaging me more and more about casual stuff, ie: where I work, how I got the job, etc.

At this point in time I think that I should mention that she's beautiful. Hints of pure indian and also a pierced lip :hippy: is right up my alley. So I am trying to figure out if this is something I should go for without compromising the band or my friendships with my band (primarily the bassist). I don't want things to go the wrong way but after all, It's not like I have known this guy my whole life and feel awkward about it. We respect each other and get along well as friends and he has in fact for the record stated: "her boyfriend is a dick, I don't care who she dates as long as they aren't a dick".

Another big thing to me is the maturity levels. I am 23, have a respectable job, grow pot, usually keep busy that sort of thing. She is my little sisters age and this freaks me out a little but even though in the real world the age gap isn't that big of a deal. I guess 5 years is not that big of a deal but still, it doesn't help that the bassist has made some comments about her and I myspacing back and fourth albeit, it was innocent at that point in time. The main concern is that I am getting mixed signals from this guy, and it doesn't help that she has two other brothers !

Any suggestions or insights?

deftdrummer Reviewed by deftdrummer on 07-20-2007. My dilemma, band mates, sisters, etc. Hi all, I have been a long time member of these forums and I only usually post in the cultivation forums. Recently a strange attraction has kindled between my band mate's sister and myself. I am 23 years old, by buddy (bassist in the band) is also 23 and his little sister is 18 (almost 19) Now that you have the gist, I will go into depth as to why this is a little tricky. I have been in this band for approximately 4 or 5 months now and it has been pretty serious, playing shows regularly. Rating: 5

[Jim Morrison]

id stay away from her.

bassists are a different breed altogether like i would definitely smash my P-bass over a band mates head if he even thought about my kid sister

[wil86]

Ask your bassist if he'd be cool with it and see what he says. Tell her you'd be good for her and you'd treat her right or whatever.

Surely its better for him knowing that his sister is with one of his mates who isnt going to piss her about and who he trusts rather than some random dick head who ends up in prison.

[420MissHighTimes420]

^^exactly, shit if he likes you maybe he would rather her be with u then some kid in jail.

and if hes not ok with it oh well, can't hurt to ask?
hopefully

[deftdrummer]

ya, we have since then hit it off really well and I think he thinks like you guys do: "if he already likes you then don't worry about it." He's actually pretty cool about the whole thing, now the only tricky part is to be mutually invested in both the band and the girl =) thanks guys.

[LIP]

id stay away from her.

bassists are a different breed altogether like i would definitely smash my P-bass over a band mates head if he even thought about my kid sister

I'd use my Fender Jazz - It's heavier which means it'd hurt more. I would use my Gibson, but im not paying £1500 to knock someone out lol. It's expensive enough with a £700 Jazz Bass lol.

[imitator]

Fuck that, I aint hitting anyone with MY bass, I payed too damn much for the ones I own.

Now the drummers sticks are nice and pointy shaped, and go great into a persons eye. Or grab the guitarist's guitar, they half expect the guitar to be broken over someone or something before their music career ends.

Best bet though, is to be honest with the dude. Let him know what is going on, and see what his thoughts are.

I mean, I love the whole "Its better to ask for forgiveness then permission" thing usually, but I see that possibly leading to problems down the road one way or another, and its always better to be safe then sorry.

[deftdrummer]

I felt bad, yesterday I went to hang out with him and his buddy and brother, and his girlfriend and sister were there too. We were all hanging out at first but him and his buddy were just playing video games and not talking that much so I went outside with his sister and took a long walk. I get the impression that he is a bit jealous? or maybe upset that our friendship already isn't as strong so early in the game. He ended up just going to bed with his girl and leaving me and his sister out in the dark as they closed up the house. I didn't care really though cause I really like his sister now more than ever so its cool.