The second time I ever got high was pretty good. We (a group of suburban white kids) were having a freestyle rap-off while toking, and we came up with some real gems. The best was about how puppies look before they're born, with little claws and eyes and ears, but unfortunately we didn't record that one. We did manage to record this lovely little number for posterity, although I don't have the actual mp3:

Eat a dick / Eat a pickle with it
Eat a biscuit / Have some jam on your biscuit
Drink some milk / Put some choc-o-late mix in it
Drink some choc-o-late milk

Go down to the store / Buy some fucking Gushers
Get the red ones / They are the best you fucking bitch

And then it sort of devolved into sexual references, the most poignant of which was a repeated request to "Cum in my eye!"


The highest I've ever been was this 4/20 though. I hadn't smoked in three months, and took two glass pipe bowls and a nugget of hash in ten minutes (my cousin was home on his break at work) and another pipe bowl with his girlfriend when he left, as well as two bowls in his bong (a nice piece actually, my bong is the exact same model). I played ATV: Offroad fury for a bit, but it didn't interest me. We went out onto their balcony for cigs and it felt like the wind was going to pick me up and knock me off, so I grabbed on tight to the railing. Everything was shimmering and looking like magazine cutouts. We went in to watch some TV - I remember Wheel of Fortune and some crime thing, but around this time I started going blind in short spurts. After we'd watched for what must have been half an hour I reached for my drink, which I had definitely seen on the coffee table in front of me the whole time, and it wasn't there! I finally found it where I'd left it in the other room by the bong. After this it all sort of went in flashes: my cousin putting in eyedrops - me putting on my jacket - the three of us walking down the hall - standing at the top of a staircase - being outside, where the building in front of me slid in like a train through the blackness and then the sky and ground opened up from behind it - staring at trees and describing how they looked like fractals - splitting up when I saw my mum's boyfriend's truck - running down a sidewalk - getting onto my bike where I'd left it at work - biking home - taking a piss - masturbating, which was really scratchy - passing out in bed. I woke up the next morning and felt awesome, and had the most productive day I'd had in months.