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07-18-2007, 12:04 AM #1OPSenior Member
I Am Evil
Recently my mind is becoming more twisted by the day. I am convinced one day, I'll be on death row for murder. My explosive temper has taken over, and I am in a constant state of anger. I am starting to lack basic emotions, and empathy. I just feel cold, and void. I lost all connections with others except my twisted mind. I don't feel, at least not in a way I remembered. I am fucked up. Completely.
I choked a friend the other day. I was impatient, and he was slowing me down, wouldn't get out of my house. Waited 10-15 minutes, until I stormed in there, and told him to get the fuck out essentially. Asshole started playing games, and I couldn't take it, so I started choking him. After I threw his ass outta the house, I went in my car and left. No remorse, not even a bit of feeling like I did any wrong.
It isn't the first time I lost my temper and it turned into violence. This is the first time I felt no remorse for my actions. Any morality I had in me has dissipated.
There were 2 sides of me:
One was my normal self. Happy go-lucky, always smiling, laid-back, kind, helpful to others, peaceful, tranquil.
The other is a side I hate to unleash but has overtaken me. Cold, uncaring, selfish, violent, angry, abusive. Normally this side is only unleashed once in a while. An explosion which is random and irrational. You could see it in my eyes when I'm in this state.
I am at a point of no return. No matter how I fought this problem in the past, how I suppressed it, how I tried to change, I can't. This force is too strong for me to control. Call me weak, I am in this way. But there is something sinister taking over me. I don't like it. No matter how I push it away, it only comes back stronger, and stronger.
Every day, my sense of spirituality is waning, it feels like I lost my soul. It's gone.
I am losing my touch with reality, and humanity, to the point I don't know how I function each day. I want redemption. To not become a soulless creature. I want the ability to care, and interact with others without resorting to anger and violence. I want to feel alive again.thcbongman Reviewed by thcbongman on . I Am Evil Recently my mind is becoming more twisted by the day. I am convinced one day, I'll be on death row for murder. My explosive temper has taken over, and I am in a constant state of anger. I am starting to lack basic emotions, and empathy. I just feel cold, and void. I lost all connections with others except my twisted mind. I don't feel, at least not in a way I remembered. I am fucked up. Completely. I choked a friend the other day. I was impatient, and he was slowing me down, Rating: 5
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