Quote Originally Posted by jygf77
I'm not sure that she'd leave me if I told her I'm gonna start smoking pot. She knows I drink. And if I told her in the right way, gently, she would definitely freak out... but she might actually get over it and stay. It probably wouldn't be pleasant though. I don't know. I feel bad because I love her and she loves me very much. I know she does. It would just destroy her to get a divorce.

I'm not worried about alimony or any of that. We signed a pre-nuptual agreement agreeing to no alimony or anything... just split our mutual assents down the middle. The reason we did that was because her family is rich as hell and they make anyone who marries their daughters sign a pre-nup. At first I thought that was ridiculous and just signed it to please everyone involved (after having a lawyer look at it of course and make sure it was cool). Now I'm thinking maybe that was a good idea.

Anyway, the point is, I do love her and care about her. A divorce might be best since we're so different on a couple of levels. But then again... wow, it would hurt her soooooo much. Divorce from is the last thing in the world she would ever want. I treat her good, I really do. And that's because I do love her.

I guess two things need to happen.
1) We need to see a counselor for a while, and if things don't improve in a specific amount of time, we should probably divorce before kids come on the scene. I mean, oral sex is not by any means a huge important part of a relationship. But when all is put aside, asking for oral sex to *not* be a part of marriage after getting married is just way fucked up. And not being able to enjoy sex is fucked up too. I don't know if I can be happy in a marriage like this. I just don't know.
2) I need to either tell her I smoke up once in a while, or I need to stop doing that. It can't be good to be "sneaky" about something like that.
hiya mate,,well you have put a lot of thought into this already,by the sounds of things,,

i am a married guy,who has gone tru the highs and lows of marraige,we are married 11years now,,when things got really bad,,really bad,very little communication if any,,we found a group called retroville,i,m sure you can look them up,
but anyway,they gave us great support and the way to communicate openly and honestly,with one another and without judgement,,
think you need some sort of counselling,to get you tru this dilemma.not from a priest,pastor,or any church,just counselling without agenda,,,
best of luck my friend,i hope all works out for you.. :hippy: