My wife wants to stop oral sex

[Reefer Rogue]

No offense but that sounds like a horrible relationship. I hope you can either work it out with her because if you can't i would move on.

[Nightcrewman]

don't divorce over that..
you chose her.....deal with it.
it's not that serious.
my uncle would love oral sex but his wife refuses to...

and besides, a girl that doesn't like doing it, does it completely wrong sooo.....she wins either way

Err! How would you know this ?

NCM

[jygf77]

Yes, I've sat her down and told her exactly how I feel.
And yes, I did feel that we had a 100% truthful relationship. I'm not sure she maliciously lied to me. I think at worst she (in her mind) "phrased" things to sound acceptable to me when we talked about sex while dating. At best (and what most likely happened was that) she sort of "tricked" herself into thinking she could be "open" about oral sex, etc. for me... but then after months and months she just decided she couldn't take it and reverted to what she was like before we met.

Then again, maybe I'm the idiot for expecting normal dialog about sex and normal sex from someone who was abused and also raised not talking about sex.

Yea,Honestly man even though you love her it might not get better and might just get worst in time.Have you tried to sit her down and talk to her about how you feel about the situation?If not then maybe you should to see how she will take your feelings.

I understand where your coming from when you're lied to by your suppose to be loved one and it hurts so bad and they just sit there and act like they dont care.Man that hurts my feelings so much.I got a question though did you feel as you and her had a 100% truthful relationship?If so, then i definately know how you feel.Because with my ex I was only 100% truthful with her and come to find out she was telling me lies and cheating on me for around 2weeks.Even though you might love a woman you can never really trust her in my eyes.Ladies dont beat up on me for it but thats how I feel because all the girls I have been went turns out to be the same lying and sneaky.

[jygf77]

I'm not sure that she'd leave me if I told her I'm gonna start smoking pot. She knows I drink. And if I told her in the right way, gently, she would definitely freak out... but she might actually get over it and stay. It probably wouldn't be pleasant though. I don't know. I feel bad because I love her and she loves me very much. I know she does. It would just destroy her to get a divorce.

I'm not worried about alimony or any of that. We signed a pre-nuptual agreement agreeing to no alimony or anything... just split our mutual assents down the middle. The reason we did that was because her family is rich as hell and they make anyone who marries their daughters sign a pre-nup. At first I thought that was ridiculous and just signed it to please everyone involved (after having a lawyer look at it of course and make sure it was cool). Now I'm thinking maybe that was a good idea.

Anyway, the point is, I do love her and care about her. A divorce might be best since we're so different on a couple of levels. But then again... wow, it would hurt her soooooo much. Divorce from is the last thing in the world she would ever want. I treat her good, I really do. And that's because I do love her.

I guess two things need to happen.
1) We need to see a counselor for a while, and if things don't improve in a specific amount of time, we should probably divorce before kids come on the scene. I mean, oral sex is not by any means a huge important part of a relationship. But when all is put aside, asking for oral sex to *not* be a part of marriage after getting married is just way fucked up. And not being able to enjoy sex is fucked up too. I don't know if I can be happy in a marriage like this. I just don't know.
2) I need to either tell her I smoke up once in a while, or I need to stop doing that. It can't be good to be "sneaky" about something like that.

i don't think you should have to sneak around over things like smoking...

dunno about you or anyone else... but i am who i am, if you don't like who i am, then you don't want me, you want someone else..

if she were to freak out and leave you should you light a joint in her face... well imo perhaps it's better off... there's probably gonna be alot more things you do that are alot worse before yal die happily married or eventually get divorced/seperate...

however, on topic, seems like yal have some more serious underlying issues here then just what you've given in the first post...

[birdgirl73]

That was a very thorough and good explanation, jsn9333. She definitely deceived you by telling you what she did before you were married. That was a technique, I'm sad to say, that some women employ so as not to throw an engagement/marriage off course when they've got a potential spouse in their crosshairs.

She definitely has issues. If her previous lover became abusive and she let him proceed sexually anyway, it's no surprise she wanted to let sex with you wait till marriage (to postpone more of it as long as she could). Combine that experience with very religiously conservative attitudes toward sex in the first place and you get what you're currently having to endure.

Your insurance network likely has a list of counselors/psychologists whom they recommend, and another good way to find one is to ask a physician you trust for some recommendations. You can also just open up the yellow pages and start calling the marriage and family counselors and interview them over the phone to get a feel for whether they're someone you'd feel comfortable working with. Sounds like your wife wants to put this off, too, "taking more time to work on it yourselves," but that problem isn't going to get better, it's going to get increasingly worse. And it'll continue to drive a deeper wedge between the two of you. The sooner you address it directly, the better a chance you'll have of making progress on the problem.

Good luck!

[khronik]

Sounds like she's the one who could use a joint or two, more than you! You should make her a nice batch of brownies. Seriously, it sounds like she has a lot of repressed issues, and weed is great for getting past stuff like that. I doubt it's a realistic solution, but still...

Counciling seems like it would be a good idea too. You two have problems, but it doesn't mean they're irreparable.

[GraziLovesMary]

Yeah dude, in my opinion these religiously conservative ideas need to be adressed immediately. I had a relationship very very similar to the way this one sounds, and it didnt work at all unfortunately. I would go to a counselor immediately, with not just the sex issue, but the religion issue at hand as well. Her religion is controlling way too much of her life and the things that she has been brainwashed into believing her whole life are disagreeing with her natural human instincts. And Im pretty sure she thinks its a sin to have those thoughts and that shes going to hell.

[420MissHighTimes420]

^^ Because of that, Im going to teach my kids about all religions and let them choose what they want to fallow when there older. I was brought up in a very conservitive jewish house, and I hated goign to services, and never felt connected to a relgion that I didnt understand, even thoguh I went to hebrew school for 9 years I don't know it well because I hated going. Thankfully I was never brainwashed by my parents. Who are pretty cool about weed and sex though, just not bacon.

[420MissHighTimes420]

^^sorry that was off topic, I'm sorry to hear about you and your wife man. That must be rough. You two havent been married long and you already have sex problems. Dont give her up over that though, just get a good councler. And yeah kronhik it sounds lke she needs to smoke. You should really tell her that you do.

[locomark]

Well it sounds like your are ready to get out. Don't blame you. Tell her that you need to separate to find the real you. That will flip her out all week. After she is done crying you can tell her that there is a conservative man out there that would be very pleased with just her vagina. That you feel betrayed and deceived and that you would be happier without her. She has expectations of marriage and so do you. Don't feel pity or remorse. You only have 40/50 more years to find happiness. So you fucked up just move on and never hold out till marriage again. Next time you hear this excuse yourself from the conversation. But what do I know?

Loco