One joke Each??

[Nightcrewman]

The terrorist who survived the attack on Glasgow airport was taken to hospital for treatment, however he complained that for every meal, breakfast dinner and tea he was given Tatties Neeps and Haggis.
The nurse told him what do you expect in the Burns Unit.

Cheers

NCM

[jdub61]

World's funniest joke - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
This joke was voted as the world's 2nd funniest joke and I laughed at it (i thought the 1st funniest was stupid)

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner, they retire for the night, and go to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

"I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes" replies Watson.
"And what do you deduce from that?"
Watson ponders for a minute: "Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?"

Holmes is silent for a moment. "Watson, you idiot!" he says. "Someone has stolen our tent!"

[Nightcrewman]

Two nuns climbing back over the convent wall after a night on the town,
sister Agnes says to sister Mary, I feel like a commando, sister Mary replies don't be so F-ckin stupid where are we going to get a commando at this time of night.

A salesman in a hotel room cant get to sleep for the noise coming from a convent across the street, so he goes across and knocks on the door.
The mother superior answers and he asks her what is going on,Oh were holding a monks ball she says
Well could you kindly let go of it I'm trying to get some f--kin sleep

Cheers

NCM

[cannabis campbell]

No one liked my little johnny jokes

[cannabis campbell]

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner, they retire for the night, and go to sleep.

Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

"I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes" replies Watson.

"And what do you deduce from that?"

Watson ponders for a minute.

"Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?"

Holmes is silent for a moment. "Watson, you idiot!" he says. "Someone has stolen our tent!"

LOL, that made me laugh too

[Nightcrewman]

No one liked my little johnny jokes

I liked them :thumbsup: just got helluva eye strain trying to read them LOL.

Its an age thing.

Cheers
Going for the Optrex bottle

NCM

[420MissHighTimes420]

A girl is in an elevator and she says to the man next to her "T.G.I.F." and he says "S.H.I.T." she looks confused ... and he says "sorry hunny its thursday" ... ha ha ha? only one i knew LOL

[johneg]

I met a chinese girl in the pub,She said.. I love english men so much,take me home!!. On the way home she kept saying how much she loves english men and that she would do anything for an english man!!When we got home she said..I will do anything what do you want? I said how about a 69?She said...Im not cooking at this time of night!!

[cannabis campbell]

I dont get that one ^ ?? Lol.

[johneg]

ur jokin right?