Your stance on cheating ...

[dean0000]

In my opinion its not ok in any circumstance. I know how it feels when someone does it so I would not do it to anyone. Its pretty low.

[NextLineIsMine]

I think its alright in context. Sometimes out of nowhere you can just get a spark of passion for someone. Although you have an awesome lust filled night as long as you dont wish you could stay at the end of it youre good

[imitator]

Personally, I feel that people put too much emphasis on sex.

Its a physical act between two people. Its done for enjoyment, and in some cases procreation.

It isnt anything more until people start making it more.

If you had sex with him just to have sex and enjoy the act, then there shouldnt be a problem, at least I wouldnt have a problem.

Its unnatural to confine yourself to just one person, there is no way that that one person can fulfil your every need, ... well i suppose anything is possible, but its highly unlikely at best.

If having sex with another person to fulfil a need is wrong, is it wrong to go to a friend to cry on their shoulder instead of your SO? It should be the same thing...

Now if you have feelings for said person, or feelings develop, then there is a problem. But if you feel you are ok with having sex with people, and still showing the same amount of love/caring/whatever towards your SO, then more power to you.

Thats not to say that I have anything against people who feel the opposite of me. I understand the feeling, I just dont personally prescribe to it is all.

[Hardcore Newbie]

^^^ if both people have that viewpoint, that's fine, but if not then they probably shouldn't be in the relationship in the first place :P

[420MissHighTimes420]

Personally, I feel that people put too much emphasis on sex.

Its a physical act between two people. Its done for enjoyment, and in some cases procreation.

It isnt anything more until people start making it more.

If you had sex with him just to have sex and enjoy the act, then there shouldnt be a problem, at least I wouldnt have a problem.

That was the way I saw it until I put myself in his shoes. I would die if he cheated on me, it would make me feel like I'm not good enough. But at the same time I wouldn't let it upset me me because like you said no one can fill ones every needs. I act like it was just in the heat of the moment, but I am sort of lying to myself. I was upset with him, and I didn't do it to nessasarly get back at him, it was more that I needed something that someone else I thought could give to me, which just so happened to be sex that made me feel like he wasnt just in it for him. When me and my bf fuck its 100% about him, its nice to have love made to you, I feel like when he fucks me theres not emotions for him involved, like he just wants to bust one out... the guy I cheated on him with was an ex, and I know how he makes love, it makes me feel cared for. But it was my own damn fault because I was too immature to tell him that I dind't like the way he banged me. But its over so....

[420MissHighTimes420]

^^ wow i dont want it to sound like i dumped him simply because he banged me with no care, he just didnt care for me. last nite we finally met up and talked aout everything, he really doesnt care for me like i need to be, he wants more of a friends with benifits thing ... aka a booty call ... when I wanted a more serious relationship. which never works out good for the person who wanted a real relationship.

[imitator]

^^ wow i dont want it to sound like i dumped him simply because he banged me with no care, he just didnt care for me. last nite we finally met up and talked aout everything, he really doesnt care for me like i need to be, he wants more of a friends with benifits thing ... aka a booty call ... when I wanted a more serious relationship. which never works out good for the person who wanted a real relationship.

In that sense, I can guess that he said that it didnt bother him much?

Its hard to do what I said above. People by their very nature attach feelings to sex in most occasions. Even "no strings attached" has that happen... The difference, at least how I see it, is how people deal with the feelings. Do you embrace them, or recognize them as something that happens and know that they arent REAL feelings persay, just a case of mild brainwashing and other factors.

We are taught from a young age that you dont have sex unless you have feelings for them. It ties into the whole get married, have kids, keep the economy going thing. But a person can do all of that, be totally commited to their husband/wife, and still have sex with other people, and not have it mean anything, or be a slight against their marriage. But only if its just sex. That doesnt mean you cant like the person, I cant imagine having sex with someone I didnt like, but you cant let the sex effect what you have with your SO at all. If it changes anything about your relationship in your head, then you were cheating.

The key here is also a SO that understands this. Which is about 2x as hard these days as actually being able to hold the above mentioned sexually philosophy. No matter what you as a person might view the sexual act as, if your SO doesnt feel that way, then it doesnt matter.

In the end, my philosophy has always been that if you had sex with someone else, its ok if you are able ot willingly tell the other person. If you feel the need to hide something from me, if you cant tell me when you get home, "hey, i was over with so and so, one thing led to another, and we had sex"... then you cheated on me. Same holds true for myself. If I feel the need to hide what I have done, then obviously in my head I feel that what I did was wrong in some way, which means that I did something wrong.

[Nailhead]

he really doesnt care for me like i need to be, he wants more of a friends with benifits thing ... aka a booty call ... when I wanted a more serious relationship. which never works out good for the person who wanted a real relationship.

Why do you want a serious relationship? You don't have much experience as it is, just go out and have fun, you have lots of time to have a serious relationship later on in life, what is the rush? You are only young once, don't waste it with a couple serious relationships!

I don't know you personally, but from what I can get you seem like a pretty co-dependent person, insecure of the thought of being single. You gotta shake that crap, maybe get some therapy? It really is not healthy to live a co-dependent life. That is how my sister is, she always had to have a boyfriend in her young years, she could never be single or just have casual relationships, I'm guessing years of soap operas put that crap into her head. Anyway, now she lives with a total loser and his retarded daughter. She stays because she needs to feel important, his retarded daughter takes a lot of work to take care of so that fills her void, but it is far from a healthy relationship since she works while her boyfriend sits at home playing World of Warcraft all day and doesn't do a damn thing.

My advice: Stay single until you can learn to live independently, that includes independent from your friends too. This doesn't mean being a loner, it just means being perfectly content and happy when you are alone. Once you learn to live independently, you will have a much better realization of what you want in a relationship, and you won't waste your time with someone that isn't right for you anyway.

[420MissHighTimes420]

I have had experince in the serious relationship department, just never a causual or functional relationship. And your right I do need to shake this idea of needing a man at all times. As many girls my age I am insecure, and I get a lot of my validation from having guys like me. I am always attracted to guys that I have to fight for the attention of, and thats something else I need to shake.
Although I want to want to be single, I am craving a boyfriend. I do need a shrink ...

PS Im really happy I made this thread everyone on here has given me some really good insight. I really appriciate it, you have noidea.

[blazed_babe]

^^ wow i dont want it to sound like i dumped him simply because he banged me with no care, he just didnt care for me. last nite we finally met up and talked aout everything, he really doesnt care for me like i need to be, he wants more of a friends with benifits thing ... aka a booty call ... when I wanted a more serious relationship. which never works out good for the person who wanted a real relationship.

i'm glad that you guys were able to talk everything out and come to a realization about things how did that go? was it ok in person or would you have rather done it on the phone? when you guys met up did he already kind of know what was coming? (lol sorry for all the questions, just curious, from what we talked about earlier )