I seriously need some advice

[birdgirl73]

Thanks for setting that straight, Gandalf. I was going to have to do that if you hadn't. Spliffstar, your response not only missed the mark, it was disrespectful to both the young lady Gandalf is talking about and to women in general.

Gandalf, I'd hope you can encourage your friend to do the right thing and make the break our of respect for the young lady--and then to help support her through that break and help her see that she deserves to be treated better. During that process, you'll be the one there treating her better, of course. The fact that you have found someone with whom you have chemistry makes me feel very optimistic. I know this is what you've been needing!

[Gandalf_The_Grey]

Thanks for setting that straight, Gandalf. I was going to have to do that if you hadn't. Spliffstar, your response not only missed the mark, it was disrespectful to both the young lady Gandalf is talking about and to women in general.

Gandalf, I'd hope you can encourage your friend to do the right thing and make the break our of respect for the young lady--and then to help support her through that break and help her see that she deserves to be treated better. During that process, you'll be the one there treating her better, of course. The fact that you have found someone with whom you have chemistry makes me feel very optimistic. I know this is what you've been needing!

Thankyou birdgirl, it's nice at least you understand the situation . I will comfort her and such when it does finally happen, but I won't be making any moves until I know she's come to grips with everything. I want it to be real, not picking her up on the rebound.

And thanks to everybody else for their advice, you've all given me much to think about. Any other advice is of course welcome.

[Spoken Word]

Spliffstar, your response not only missed the mark

by a mile.

Grey. Love's a strong thing. But in my opinion, friendship's stronger. Good friends are as rare as gold. And like spliffstar failed at pointing out, women come and go. You might think this girl is the one you will marry. And If that's the case, you'll eventually be with her. I'm just putting myself in your shoes.

I would tell your very good friend the situation. You mentioned that he really doesn't take the relationship serious. I would be respectful but foward. And I'd also be understanding. Yes, the cards would be on the table but any other alternative would cut your friend out and that, my friend, is something you might regret if this girl turns out to be "a mistake"

[Gandalf_The_Grey]

Grey. Love's a strong thing. But in my opinion, friendship's stronger. Good friends are as rare as gold. And like spliffstar failed at pointing out, women come and go. You might think this girl is the one you will marry. And If that's the case, you'll eventually be with her. I'm just putting myself in your shoes.

You've got that right! Love is an incredibly strong thing, and at the risk of being a huge nerd, I see why the Vulcans consider it a mental disease LOL.

You're right that friendship is very strong, maybe stronger, but then my friendship with this girl about just as strong. I cared about her a lot, as a friend, for a couple 2 years before falling for her. Of course the friendship with my bro is just as important and maybe more, in a unique way. We're more like brothers at this point, and oddly enough we both have the same last names lol.

I would tell your very good friend the situation. You mentioned that he really doesn't take the relationship serious. I would be respectful but foward. And I'd also be understanding. Yes, the cards would be on the table but any other alternative would cut your friend out and that, my friend, is something you might regret if this girl turns out to be "a mistake"

You know you're right, most people who posted in this thread are right. He is my best friend and I think he'd understand, but I think I'll bring it up with him when he's more serious about ending it. In the meantime though, I think I'll suggest that he does end it. Not just for my benefit, I think I'd suggest it no matter what the circumstances, he's just not handling it very well.

[FakeBoobsRule]

GtG you said you have never been in a serious relationship before and you have a hard time socializing. Are you sure you are reading the signs the girl is giving off right? I know she said you would be next in line but did she really mean it? Just something to think about.

You really need to stop waiting for their break up and find another girl for now. What kind of relationships have you been in? Time waits for no one so don't wait around forever.

Do you watch Seinfeld much? This reminds of the roommate swap episode where Jerry wanted to drop one girl for her roommate. Don't use George and Jerry's plan though on this one but I thought I would just try to inject some humor here!

[Gandalf_The_Grey]

GtG you said you have never been in a serious relationship before and you have a hard time socializing. Are you sure you are reading the signs the girl is giving off right? I know she said you would be next in line but did she really mean it? Just something to think about.

I've gotten much better at socializing ever since an Exciting event a few months back that I only did once, it's like it just opened my eyes and made me understand. Right now my lack of socializing is more the result of chronic pain, and not having established a network when I was younger. And actually I've never been in any relationship, or even had a kiss or anything. Such is the sad life I live.

But I know she is attracted to me. It's not just the (frequent) subtle signs, she told me she had a crush on me when we got drunk, and she's made comments about my physical attractiveness many times. Which is damn surprising and nice because I thought I was totally unattractive!

You really need to stop waiting for their break up and find another girl for now. What kind of relationships have you been in? Time waits for no one so don't wait around forever.

As in the above paragraph, never even kissed a girl. I know that's pretty pathetic since I'm 22. I really dont' want to get into a relationship with someone else right now, she's more than worth the wait.

Do you watch Seinfeld much? This reminds of the roommate swap episode where Jerry wanted to drop one girl for her roommate. Don't use George and Jerry's plan though on this one but I thought I would just try to inject some humor here!

LOL, I love Seinfeld, seen every episode at least 10 times.

[FakeBoobsRule]

As in the above paragraph, never even kissed a girl. I know that's pretty pathetic since I'm 22. I really dont' want to get into a relationship with someone else right now, she's more than worth the wait.

I hear you but you need some experience of your own. Kissing, sex if you aren't waiting for marriage, dealing with girls, dealing with relationship problems, how to treat a lady while taking care of yourself, etc etc etc. How many relationships has this girl been in? She has at least 2+ years of experience over you so you need to catch up. You gotta learn to crawl before you can walk. Plus sometimes being in a relationship can make you look more "attractive" sometimes. Not always but sometimes.

Lower your standards and get your feet wet in the relationship/dating pool.

[Anubis10012007]

things have a way of working themselves out. don't try and initiate a breakup. it will happen on its own if it is destined too. if not, there are more fish in the sea but its good that you have a connection, and not just physical.

[yoda]

by a mile.

Grey. Love's a strong thing. But in my opinion, friendship's stronger. Good friends are as rare as gold. And like spliffstar failed at pointing out, women come and go. You might think this girl is the one you will marry. And If that's the case, you'll eventually be with her. I'm just putting myself in your shoes.

listen to that. the feelings will fade, become less stronger, after awhile. first and foremost worry about your friendship.